Lately I have been lacking in good material from the mouth of my mother…well my friends that changed last week …she came out with the most brilliant line

 So my mum is a gardener and I mean like a carzy ass hardcore gardener. That thing is her baby for 5 months of the year.

When she weeds she weeds in a swimsuit , mainly for the tan but also when one sits in mud a dirt a swimsuit is much much easier to hose off.

well the other week she is standing by the kitchen sink after my mums version of a hardcore gardening session. You ask what this vision of beauty looks like well here comes the description:

Mud caked on the back, front and side of her

Hair all bunched together in a “topknot” on top of her very hot head

a paper towel stuffed down the front of her suit ( her sweat towel apperenatly)

and finally 3 rather hard to hide holes in the actual swimsuit in varying places.

At this point of taking in the vision of gardening beauty i said very politely to her

:

“maybe mum you should thinkabout throwing away that swimsuit?! it has holes in it !!”

she actually looked at me as if I had said to her take the tractor and destroy your garden right this instant !

she then proceed to inform me of the following information which disturbs me on many levels! conversation as follows:

 MUM:   “NO NO NO This is not to be thrown away it is my 5th BEST SWIMSUIT!!!!!”

ME: “5th best swimsuit ?!?! what the fuck do you mean ?!”

MUM: “Well this one is 5th because it has 4 holes in it the others have less holes”

ME: WHAT THE FUCK ?!?

yep that is my mum guys a women who has a 5th best swimsuit for gardening !! so not normal

Note: last weekend we had a heat wave of over 30 degrees mum was gardening in her infamous 5th best swimsuit and guess what !!! she has burnt bits on her where the holes were placed!! that was way to funny to even begin to look at !! lol

About 2 years ago I had found a website via another website that I quite frankly fell in love with. I had blogged about it then but I thought I would blog about it again just for the sheer shits and giggles of it all.

The website is called True Wife Confessions and it can be found in my blog roll. It is unreal and maybe slightly sad and scary as well.

The premise is that women write in and confess all. It could be as simple as I forgot to take the garbage out AGAIN or as scary as “would you please stop beating me I cannot take it anymore”, and although that is scary it is life and it is on this site warts and all.

It is voyeuristic in nature and kinda like peaking through the net curtains at others lives and tribulations. The women that write in never seem to give there names (go figure) and they are known as confession “insert number of confession”

I love it when I find a blog that I cannot seem to stop reading it is both riveting and emotional to read. It pulls at your heart strings and will simply make you snort coffee out of your nose at vast speeds at some of these seemingly insane yet valid confessions.

So if you want a good read please hope on over to True Wife Confessions and have a look let me know what you all think

 This is a long over due post which I know I have been so lazy about and frankly avoiding as well.

 Firstly the surgery……went incredibly well!!! I could simply not be happier with how it has all turned out!!

I will give you the oh so gory details to browse over:

1.5 hours under the knife (asleep lol)

Same day surgery, went in at 7:00 am was home by 1:00 pm

An incredible 10llbs of skin removed from my massive weight loss

Dropped almost 2 dress sizes since then

Percoset is my friend!

Pain was minimal

Was back into work on day 12 and felt pretty good

The incision is amazingly low and in no way freaks me out

I LOVE my belly button lol

Total weight loss since surgery is almost 30 lbs. due to metabolism changing!

All of the above equals one hell of a happy me!

Now to the emotional side of it and yes there is one of those sides. I am almost in awe of myself every morning right now. I have no recollection of what it is like to not have “loose skin” I have no memory left in me of what it felt like to have a flat tummy. I love it but at the same time I am almost conscious of it I am so very aware it is there now!

 I will say my confidence is through the roof I have never felt like this. I can now wake up every single damn morning look at myself in the mirror and say “Holy crap you lady are kinda hot”

 But this is what is driving me mad .…. I want to get in the gym and just rip myself up with muscle tone and fitness but unfortunately I am not allowed near a gym for a entire 6 weeks from surgery date ( May 7^th) so I have 1 more week left of being stir bloody crazy ! The other no go area is riding Sonnet! That has actually been the hardest thing because when I ride her I feel incredible and it is my way of relaxing again though 1 week and I get the all clear for that

 It pains me to say that society does not notice people that are even remotely over weight particularly my age group. Before surgery I am of the belief that I rarely got a second look or checked out on the street. Did it bother me?? Yes of course it did! Did I ever show how much it bothered me? NEVER!

Now though it is so different. So far I have been hit on at the bank, gas station and unbelievably at a set of lights while driving??? WTF! I admit to loving it but at the same time I actually have no idea how to handle it. It is a foreign thing for me, it is like that thing you almost lust after but when it happens to you your like a deer in the headlights!!!

 Socially I am feeling slightly awkward and out of place. Firstly because I am carrying myself so much more differently and it is kinda confusing mentally. Secondly I am appearing to be losing touch with my friends and I cannot give you a reason as to why. I think my emotions are slightly heightened after all this happening so I am that much more sensitive …I do not know why I think I am losing that touch but it is a feeling that’s all and I am sure that is partly due to me shutting down slightly trying to wrap my head around all this change going on.

 So the main thing is this: the surgery is by far one of the best things I have ever done in my entire life. It appears to be the thing that has filled that missing link I needed. It has made me realize who and what I am. I know this may be an odd statement considering it is plastic surgery and so therefore means I physically changed myself and what I am all about, but what I physically changed was not me it did not represent who I am. Now that I have had it done I now know who I am properly I have a confidence that is simply not just bravado anymore or a front or a self defense tool. It is now simply that an amazing and over powering confidence I knew was deep within me and just needed bringing out

In just over 24 hours I will be going in for my abdinomplasty or otherwise known as “tummy tuck”

I have written about it before and the reasonings behind why I choose to do this and why I choose to do it now at this point in my life. I am so excited about it and it feels like coming full circle after a few years of bloody hard work. I am as stated before not obsessed with being thin or thin people in fact I generally do not like overly thin people…don’t trust them something shifty bout a skinny chick you know lol I am however obsessed with being healthy I am and always will be scared of being un-healthy or in fact of anyone close to me or the people i love most being unhealthy it is terrifying to think of someone as unhealthy and not looking after themselves. So that is why I started with the weight lose a few years ago , not to be thin but to in fact be healthy.

Any sane person would be scared going into this surgery it is after considered a major surgery. It is 2 - 4 hours of work and lets say vigerous work at that.

I have this incrediable list of things I am “shit scared” about and the more I think about it the more it actually makes me want to cry ….seriously i realise this is not good to be crying about a simply thing like a tummy tuck but come on you all know i am neither simple or nromal! here is the panic shit scared list:

I am so scared it will turn out like shit and I will look horrible

I am shit scared I will not go compeltely under when they put me to sleep and it will be like that movie awake where I can hear and see and feel everything yet they cannot hear me ( i do realise this is almost impossible ok but just roll with it for fuck sakes its my fear not yours)

I am terrified that I will not be able to ride my horse for like months and months and months. I gain an incrediable amount of pleasure and confidence from riding Sonnet and so the thought of not being able to is TERRIFYING. It also does not help that when i ride her is when I am at my most calm and centered so now what the flippin hell do i do to calm down ?? …aside from valium of course ….which they prescribe to me …WOOOOHOOOO!

I am shit scared of throwing up when i come round after opperation !!! Seriously I want you to imagine how you would feel throwing up with a stiched wound from hip to freakin hip…not so nice is it!!

I am scared no one will notice the difference physically. I do not think you can grasp the gravity of that fear …seriously that is actually a bad bad thing

Oh fuc this list could go on forever and ever effectively you get the point I am shit scared and I just actually want to get it all over with now and say yep did that next please ….

In all truthfulness i do not handle fear well I mask it with humor and bravado and very few people ever see the true fears I have and the things that scare me most I do not handle situations like this well

Seriously I need to get absolutely and utterly trolllied, legless hammered , dancing on speakers making a fool of myself drunk before wednesday.

So I am thinking that is what I plan on doing this weekend. I am going to go mad. Why you ask??? wellll if I am going to be out of commision for a few months I may as well get my party on at least once before that !

I like to think I am a good drunk. Not one to pick a fight , have absolutely no issue in making and complete tit out of myself and i am fun , like a lot of fun dammit !

so yeah be warned Edmonton I am thinking it will be a tequila, jagger beer fueled weekend for me ……..hmmmm tequila

Now that I have done my proof of life post here is what the rest of my life has been like.

 I am good well as good as I can be ha ! I am never overly satisfied with my lot in life so I am likely always able to find something to complain about ha !

Life in general has been good though. I am exatly 7 days away from my tummy tuck. I have gone between being scared as shit to utter happiness to ” what the hell am I doing this for !?” and that is basically in a 5 minute time span…how bad is that ! Either way though its paid for and I am ready for it in so many ways. The last 2 years of slogging it away at the gym and constantly thinking i was just doing it for nothing is finally being validated by this surgery. You know what I do not care any longer if people agree or disagree with my choice to have this done to myself as I think basically ..screw you if you do not agree!

I am riding Sonnet the horse like no ones business right now because due to the surgery I will not be able to ride for at least 2 months and to me that is a fate worse then death. I realise the majority of you know nothing about horses let alone have ridden as I have but imagine it this way : someone tells you that you phsyically are not able to do what you are most passionate about …kinda sucks now that you think about it doesn’t it ! but damn once I am back to fighting fit riding is going to be amazing on so many levels !!

Still single …yep thats not changed in liek 2 years really has it people! but it is not the end of the world. Although i went to dinner with a old friend of mine the other week and they asked me what I miss most about being in a relationship and I did not even need to think about it. I think most people would say hot sex however as much as I do like that it is actually something very very simple. I miss falling asleep and waking up beside someone ….i hate doing that alone it really sucks. If you have someone you go to bed with every night or even most nights and wake up to them ,…. do not take advantage of it or not realise how lucky you really are because that rocks in my books …ok so does hot hot sex but whatever can’t have it all can ya ! ha !

Thats about it really ohhhhh aside from the fact that I was told i was fairly hot the other week ….seriously someone told me ( a man not a women or a imaginary friend ) that i was hot pre surgery !! so cool !! after surgery it will be off the hook. That and I am getting proffesional pictures taken by my best friend Arons photogragher. She has the most amazing pictures and if I can get half the sex appeal she manages to ooze in my pics i will be a happy hot girl HA!!

thats all …for now …. missed me really didn’t ya ?! ….. i know you did !

Ok so i have been terrible , and bad, and not good at all on the blog front. I know for a fact that SM wishes to kill me for simply not posting !

Life has been hetic and manic and that is why the whole posting thing has kinda been left to the side for ohhh about a month.

Ok so yeah proof of life….yep I am not dead yet sorry let some of you down. Still alive and kicking and just as snappy as ever people !!

So I am very excited about this surgery ( tummy tuck for those who do not know ) and in fact I have little to no nerves about it. Thats mainly because I try not to think about the of so painful side and keep thinking about the oh so lovely results side ha ha.

 There are some major downsides though that I cannot stop thinking about and keep running through my mind.

The main one is Sonnet. I have put this vast amount of work into getting her fit and working well with me. This horse is a super star I know for you non horse people it means nothing but imagine it this way for the mums: your kid has been potty trained and no longer pees in the middle of the living room…thats a feeling of joy for you yes ? Well Sonnet being so much more fit and listening and learning so quickly is a pure feeling of joy for me. She has learnt incrediably quick what I want from her and how to do it and it is a unreal thing really. I am of the belief that what she has learnt in 2 months would normally take like 6. So you can understand my concern.

 So once I have the surgery on May 7th I then will not be able to go to the gym for 6 weeks which pushes me into the end of April …no bigggy I can handle that. The riding though will be 7-8 weeks so we are talking end of June. I suppose the massive incision for hip to hip is not going to work well with riding a horse is it really !

 I am not however concerned about the healing or the pain either. I have seemed to accept that I cannot avoid this and it is going to happen I am just going to ensure I am on copious amounts of heavy sedatives while this goes one, not only will they be effective pain control they will be fun dammit !

I have to quit smoking for my surgery as the will not operate otherwise. I am actually excited about this yes you read right I am excited about quitting …to be fair I am thinking all that know me are not so excited at the prospect of a eternally bitchy edgy crazy Louisa ….no I am not like that normally !

So yeah that is part of my list of downfalls of surgery, the biggest one being Sonnet and not being able to ride her FOREVER !! lol lol

I am a big reader and movie watcher. I read on average 1 - 2 books a week when I am on good form. I cannot sleep unless I have read something anything! Even if I may have had one to many drinks I still have to try and read at 3 in the morning. Of course I remember nothing of what I read in those situations and generally wake up with the book stuck to the side of a drool covered face …hmmm wonder why I am single ??? Any clues ?

It is the same with movies I can eat my way through multiple movies in one day. If the mood takes me I can easily watch 4 or 5 in a day …surgery is going to be fun as will be bed ridden so a lot of movies shall be watched I do believe.

 Where I seem to have a problem is some of the genre of books I read and movies I watch. I LOVE chick Lit books the Sophie Kinsellas of the world. I adore chick flicks like Notting Hill and Catch and Release.

I ask if these styles give me unrealistic expectations? Do I read these books about love and boys and dating and then have a idea imprinted in my mind that this is what should happen to me. That I should have this perfectly formed beautiful relationship with some bronzed toned beautiful sensitive yet manly man? I am thinking that this is highly unlikely that this will not happen to me and I accept that. But when I read these books its almost as if I am living vicariously through the characters in the books! It is in fact almost as if I am pretending it is in fact me I am reading about and not the actualt character the author has put pen to paper about !

Movies are even worse because unlike the majority of books I read the movies will actually make me cry like the single somewhat sad spinster that I appear to fast becoming. I watch them and even in the god damn happy bits of the movies I feel pathetic. You would think that if I knew that these styles of movies would evoke a reaction such as this I would simply not rent or buy the movie and watch it …and yet I do. They are sort of a addiction something I cannot seem to get enough of and surely this cannot be normal people !?!?! please tell me I am the only one that does this !

So the question is if these books and these movies are almost detrimental to the mental health of all sad single women like me? Do they create these unattainable goals and ideas for us all? Do they lead you into a false sense of security? I am thinking that in fact they likely do. Does this mean I would stop reading and watching them …hell no they are like my drug people. If I am going to be single and well single then at least I can live through the fantasy of writing and watching other peoples fictional lives and maybe live with the fairytale that yes in fact these things do happen to normal people

 I have not written lately about the music I am listening to mainly because I had not found anything new that I have fallen in love with or old that I have re - fallen in love with. I have though in the last week found something I am adoring.

 I watched the Oscars the other week and particularly the best song award. I watched the singers Glen Hansard and Marketa Inglova sing their nominated song ” Falling Slowly ” From the first note I knew instantly I would love it. They did not disappoint. I adored it. I finally got round to buying the sound track to the movie “Once” ( rent it. watch it. fall in love with it like I did. ) Not only did these 2 amazing singers win the best song Oscar but they also starred in the movie.

This Album raises the hairs on my arms. It made me laugh and it made me cry. In my eyes this is the purpose of music it is meant to invoke and gut emotional reaction when you listen to it and this one album does just that! I think the back story to it also is what makes it that much more a incredible album. The fact these are 2 independent artist. They made the movie with 100,000 dollars ( i believe) shot it in 3 weeks with 2 handy cams and produced a amazing piece of work and a even more unreal album from it. I read a blurb on Glen Hansard and he stated that he knew he was falling in love with Marketa Inglova throughout the shooting of the film. Telling himself she was just to young ( he is 38 and she is 20) but somehow it worked out and they are now together. this just adds to the love that has clearly been poured into this album.

 What has made it a even more endearing and timeless album is the fact that along with doing duets together there are individual songs as well. My favorite duet is the award winning song “falling Slowly” it is stunning to listen to. My favorite solo song is actually one of the ones Marketa sings which is called “The Hill” ( you need to watch to movie to see what makes this song so significant) and the other favorite song is the duet between them on the song ” If you want me” there is something very very haunting about Marketa’s voice that gives you a hair raising gut reaction to it.

So if you want to hear some truly well thought out and beautifully composed and written music then you need to buy this album as soon as you can. I can safely say that the sound track to Once is in my top 10 of albums at present and I cannot actually see it leaving the top 10 anytime soon.

The Oscar they one was well and truly deserved and I congratulate them both!!