Part 1 . My Mother and her Chainsaw …. Part 2 The World of Dating

26 09 2005

Morning, Afternoon and Good evening all 🙂
well I had a interesting weekend it has to be said!! Will Go with part 1 first

My Mother and her Chainsaw

I called my sister yesterday to say hi and catch up. She is fine by the way still world dominating !! Anyway she said mum called her well that irritated me cause mum had not called me !?!?! Why ! grrr So I thought best give her a quick call see if she is still alive and all is well. After multiple attempts and no answer to which I kept thinking for fuck sakes it is a Sunday it is the afternoon over there what could she possibly be doing ?!?! I got my answer ! And here is the following conversation we had:

Mum: Hello ( very very out of breath )
Me: Hi Mum its Louisa

she calls me back at this point to save my mobile bill ( my mummy is lovely !! )

Me: hi mum how are you ??
Mum: ( out of breath still ?!?! ) good dear how are you everything ok ??
Me: yep all is fine and dandy mum life ticking along blah blah . ummm mum why are you out of breath what are you doing ??
Mum: OHHHH !!! I got a new toy !!!

At this point I am worried and wondering if the conversation is safe to continue ???
Me: Right ok ( confused in fact at a loss )
Mum: Do you want to hear it ????? ( she of courses sounds like a over excited kid at Christmas )

Terrified now !
Me: hmmm ok ??? What is it exactly mum ??

wait for it everyone …………………………………….

Mum: A CHAINSAW !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a chain saw here listen

she proceeded to put the phone down and rev up her brand new chainsaw !! All I could hear was that terrifying sound of wirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I had visions of my mum in some Jason mask laughing maniacally !
needless to say I never thought 4 years after I moved over to the UK the day would come when my mother would have me listen to her new toy, a chainsaw, over the phone.
It was sureal everyone truly madly off and so my mother loved it. Seriously been giggling about it since not stopped !

The world of Dating

This weekend went and saw the 40 year old virgin with Matt and loved it seriously wicked film!! Brilliantly made laugh a minute and freakishly realistic in some ways in regards to how men think.
Anyway went out with some of my girlfriends on Sunday foir a drink and we came up with some great amazing rules for men or at least common sense things after talking bout this movie as follows:
1. As much as we say we like new age sensitive men we do not like them so sensitive we are scared of making them bloody cry. We like them to have a back bone to be assertive always
2. We like men who act their age. Oh my sweet lord why do grown men revert to 14 year old boys when around any sort of women they like possibly like or well lets face it has a pair of tits ( boys do not call them boobies !!! We call them tits so should you for gods sakes !! )
3. Men who pay always go up in out our estimations !! We actually argued over this one at first as we do believe in equality and all that but for the first while of dating we were all in agreement. We do not like being expected to Dutch everything.
4. Sex. We do not care if you are a sex god or a never had type of guy what we do care about is that fact that again you do not act like a snotty nosed 14 year old about to get layed for the first time guys !!! Come one !! We do not like it when you do everything at warp speed this includes kissing and moving your tongue around like the damned thing is on fire !! If you need help in this department ask a mate there are also books out there read up please !!!
5. But most of all the over all opinion was that we like a guy to be confident please!! Even if you are not confident pretend begging you all to pretend. It is off putting if you are a wimp

there were more rules which in the future with the permission of the other girls will be mentioned on here but they were more serious ones!!! ha ha
right bye for now ! Comment if you like !





And so it begins again …. rita is here !!

22 09 2005

You know it amazes me everytime I turn on the TV and I see these mad crazy stupid scenes being beamed across the pond by the BBC to my little 14 inch telly! 100 mile traffic jams people running out of petrol, people looking like they are being roasted nice and golden ,like potatoes on a Sunday roast in there cars. Right Texas or at least the Gulf has known Riat was coming for a good week to 2 weeks right? No matter what this was going to be a bad one it will never end well. Rita will not decide suddenly ‘ hmmm giving up this hurricane shit going back to where I came from’ God Dammit why do they insist on evacuating all at the same time all down the same Highway rather then doing it logically like so : non essential works ( mall workers , clothing shop workers restraunt workers ) go on the first day {( not including McDonald’s as Huston is officially the fattest city in the USA and well you would have a whole lot of angry fat people if that was shut lets be honest !! ) next day semi essential people supermarkets and office workers and then finally essentials like hospitals and coast guards and what not. But no they have to do everything big ! Everyone out all at once all at the same time down the same shitty highway . Just blows my mind seriously does.
Was listening to radio one and the funniest person I have known on radio, Chris Moyles BBC 1 Breakfast show , ( listen on line if you want to hear him guys bloody brilliant ) anyway he brought up a point. Love the fact that they name these horrible evil destructive things after women ha ha !! How fitting is that really when you think about it. All the men out there who have wives named Rita and think she is a whirling dervish of a bitch this is your time for letting your anger out. Let people know that your wife named Rita is a horrible women and if they do not believe you politely inform them that she is similar if not identical to Rita the hurricane you will feel better after that promise you.
Either way though I may slag off complain bitch and moan about the way they are handling this situation over there but my thoughts and my prayers are with all of them and I can only hope that it is not going to end in the fashion of New Orleans and people come out on the bright side of this , alive.

Right enough of my moaning will stop now and let you get on with your life comment if you like good or bad is perfectly fine with me
have a good weekend all !!!





New Orleans, Would you have stayed ???? Not a chance !!

13 09 2005


If you looked up in the sky and you saw that would you have honestly stayed to defend your propertie and worldy goods???? I have to answer from my gut and say snow balls chance in hell I would have stayed. Even if I was in a disadvantaged area with no mood of transportation I would have got my ass out of there!!

Skies are not meant to be that color thatis your first clue something very wrong is about to happen !!





My Cat was meant to be a manipulative Small Child

12 09 2005

Hello 🙂 All is so so in the world of Louisa. Has to be said that I am constantly tired no idea why but I could so so sleep for England right now!
Right the cat !!! Last night I am pleasantly sat/stretched on the couch last night. Meanwhile cleo/leo is madly running about my tiny flat chasing a flying bug of some sort with the full intent of catching it torturing it and then obviously eating it. Please bare in mind that my ceilings are a good 10 feet or more height and this bug is right at the ceiling. So you’re now thinking the possibilities of this cat catching this thing are zero ! Wrong he gets them everything just watches and waits till it drops down and then does this Herculean leap and gets em ebverytime. So last night he was on a mission to get this bastard and he was determined to do it. He was hiding behind the couch trying the that’s of it can’t see me and it will drop and I will catch it sort of thing. The bug dropped down cat is behind me obviously watching this all ready to attack. The bug got smart !!!! Drops down sees cats twitching tail and body and shots up in the air. Stupid cat decides to follow it. This would have been fine except for the fact that following it consisted of leaping onto my head whilst digging his claws into my scalp !!! Stupid animal !! I shot up chasing the cat yelling ‘ YOU LITTLE BASTARD YOUR DEAD !!! BAD CAT BAD CAT !!’ chased him into bedroom and closed door banishing him to the naughty room for a half hour. Anyone who would have heard this outside my world of the flat would have thought I was a abusive mother to a small child.
Anyway the cat was banished to the room after half and hour of kitty crying through the door. I decided he had learnt his lesson and was allowed out. As we walked back into the living room I and saying to him AS IF HE UNDERSTANDS ME !! ‘ what you did was very bad it hurt mummy don’t do it again ! ‘ sat down and he joined me on his side of the couch and then he did it !! Like a small child that knows they have done wrong and the only way to make mum love you again is to pull on their heart strings and my good did he do that. He is sat there rolled over on his back with his little cat paws curled up in the air body twisted in this ungodly position looking up at me with big eyes saying ‘ come on lady how can you resist me you know I am cute now love me dammit !’ Meanwhile I am saying to him ( out loud yep certifiable I am !! ) it is not working cleo your cute act is not working. I lasted 10 minutes and crumbled it worked and well I Loved him again.
By the way he caught that bug eventually and 2 more!! Really he is a good boy deep down !

Other then that not much else has happened. Oh have to say one thing has excited me !! I have randoms reading my blogs now !!!! Not just friends family and my work mates random people !! yep I am sad I know ! ! But it was cool to see a comment from someone I did not know someone who took the time to read what may be considered my boring random rambles about the cat purple toilet paper and other knowingly boring and strange things but have to say it validated it for me! So now I get even more excited when I see that little icon say comments and it has a number other then a 0 beside it !!!
yep sad as they can be !





The weekend is hear again yes!!!

9 09 2005

Right I know I have been silent of late and I am so sorry for that all. It has been a made busy time and work is the main reason it has to be said. All is well though other then the fact that I am forever dreaming about cable of all things and this morning I woke up thinking I had fallen asleep at my desk !! How bad is that for Christ sakes !?!?!?!?
I have had no time for anything of late which includes cleaning. My flat currently looks like a bomb sight and I just wander rou nd it with eyes partially closed pretending it is not really that messy ha ha! Believe me it is ! Even the cat seems somewhat unhappy in it. So the mission today is to clean it and I mean clean !
It is also the last test in the ashes cricket this weekend. Have to say I am gripping the edge of my seat and actually loving it ( when it is on as it is pissing it down in London and the posh gits won’t paly in a bit of rain ! ) so I am looking forward to that as well.

I am still in awe also of what is happening in the states and in New olreans I have never seen anything so despicable as that to happen in a country with satus like the US it is disturbing and a bit disheartening as well. It makes me wonder why ????? That is my one question it seems is why ??? At the same time without sounding rude or insensitive but the American public voted bush in and it is alsmot like lying in the bed you make for yourself. And even more disturbing is the fact they have another 3 years of this man as he will not just throw in the towel and give up we all know this.

Alex is doing great in Brussels and seems to love the fact that she has Multiple levels of security passes and clearances ha worl domination here she comes look out seriously !! She seems to be making friends well quickly and settled in brilliantly as well. As stated in a text ( yep she has a phone and she can text sort of still learning I think ha ) she is in a candy shop of good looking men and it is the best damned candy shop she has ever been in ha ha !!

right enough from me I need to get home and shower as just left gym and the guy beside me eating his bacon butty may be put off by the sweat ridden girl beside him ( hmmm the butty looks gooood ) and by the way yep he is gut although smells strangely of horse ?????
bye
xx





natural disasters and my sister as well

3 09 2005

afternoon . so so sorry for all the silence this week but it has been a bit hetic and busy of late and just not had the chance. I am fine have to say was not feeling great this week plus I had my cardio tests as well on thursday. Great fun felt like a rat in a ball as it was one of those ones they make you run on a tredmill. This is fine what is not fine however is the fact that they make you do this all in a mesh faux fabric gown open in the front. No bra and cloths but did look rather fetching with my blue trainers on !! so yeah still alive and awaiting the results will let you know if die before results arrive of course.

now for alex!!! oh alex alex alex !! She missed her plane everyone !!!! ha ha ha welkl not missed the emergency exits were broken ( slightly important at 30 thousand feet in the air ) and so she was stranded. She managed to get a flight next day but i got the paniced call of ‘ help stranded no eurostar till next morning help !! ‘ there was panic and stress in that girls voice and i hate to admit it was somewhat enjoyable to listen to smart as kid ha ha !! anyway i did the sisterly thing and got her sorted. Managed to find a place for her to stay paid booked her in. Called Eurostar begged with them to transfer her ticket. They said with out a letter from airline saying her plane was cancelled they would charge her 250 pounds ( 600 bucks !! ) so managed to yell enough at the zoom people got them to fax the letter to where she was staying so she had it upon arrival. How god damned bloody good am i !?!?!?!? i am god that is what i am not nearly as useless as i thought ha ! Anywa she calls me last night at midnight sounding somewhat pissed saying i had booked her into a party centeral place it was a bar ! ha and on top of that a mixed dorm room and she was greeted by mick the aussie in his tighty whiteys!! ha she was in heaven needless to say !! so i am awaiting to hear from her. will let her tell you on her blog all about the rest i am sure there are loads of details ha !

Was watching the news about the hurricane in the states and have to say felt pity and sympathy and then anger for them all over there. I have to ask and may be wrong but if the states were not in Iraq would they have had the man power to avert the aweful things going on right now in there own land??? how can people shot rape maim and kill others in the same desperate postion as themselves just shocking and stomach turning !!