Better Chance of Pulling in a pursuing home ! … And Various updates as well

14 12 2005

Hello hello hellooooooo alll !!!!
Yesterday my friend Sarah ( she will kill me for telling this story but I did warn her I would blog it so tough lady !! ) went on the ultimate quest to find a man …… She went….. Speed dating !!!!
Now I have done this speed dating business with a good reputable company one of the first to do full on speed dater events. I went to a very up market bar in city center Manchester and all participants were well lets say educated and not scum ok. So when Sarah said she was going to do this I said brilliant !!! Honestly promiseyou you will have a top time and never know may find something you like there. Except there was one issue :

She did not go one of the really well known speed dating firms and it was not set up in Manchester city center at a up market bar. In fact it was set up from what I can gather by a much smaller company then the one I used. It was held at a moderate bar in Didsbury which is a lovely area but the issue is that it is also invade by STUDENTS !!! How the hell do you find a de cent mature normal guy in studentville !! You cannot it is a impossible task never ever try it !
So this is how the conversation and text conversation went before she arrived at the big event :

ME: you read then ?? What you wearing ?
Sarah : Jeans black top , casual really
ME: cleavage ??? Always works men love tit’s !
Sarah : NO!! Way to nervous right now ??
ME: stop being a big giant assed Jessie !! It will be fine
Sarah: give me a first question to ask something good
ME: Ok… Ask …. What is your favorite piece of fruit ?? And Ice breaker
Sarah: ( nervous slightly suicidal laughter) ok gotta go taxi here !!
ME: Good luck

After I hung up I was giggling at her obvious dread of the coming situation and being the nasty evil cow I can tend to be I thought I would stir it up a bit more by sending the following text. I also waited until I knew she would be either just arriving or already there before sending it to her :

text message : Remember do not mention the case of genital warts! Really puts them off for some reason unkown to me !! lol lol xx

I received no response to this ha ha !! Big surprise

After the even that obviously finished I received a text from Sarah and was ready for this message that would be all glowing and happy and that it was a success …. How wrong was I ???!!

Sarah txt message: That was shite I am never ever doing that again !!! I have more chance of pulling in a damn nusring home !!
Louisa txt response back : honestly could not have been that bad although…. Nursing home is not a bad idea they die quicker and you get all the money.

So my lovely amazing friend Sarah is now in the following frame of mind : I am going to be a spinster for the rest of my life I am obviously a mental reject and will never ever be able to get a man ….I suck.
Sarah you do not suck you will find a man stop being a big Jessie I will make it my mission for you to get this sorted out. Mainly because in 20 years time when I have a family I do not want you known as Louisa’s crazy cat lady friend who is coming for the holidays because her life sucks and she lives in a bedsit smelling of wee !! Selfish I know but practical.

Update on the Taylor clan visit:
72 hours and they arrive. All seems to be going well mum seems reasonably level headed and not overly stressed. George apparently is excited like a small school boy ( well not small at over 6 foot 2 but you get the picture )
My sister however is at wrist slashing point with work and has pre warned me not to expect conversation from her when she lands as she will be a vegetable.
Me well me is excited and worked up at the same time. My main aim over this holiday season is to drink get drunk eat myself stupid and then pass out and sleep for hours on end.

The way every holiday should be spent as far as I am concerned !!!

next up date will include the goings on of the Christmas works do which is tomorrow night !





Can’t think of a Decent tittle ……Far to Lazy !!

7 12 2005

Apologies again for recent non blog entries. Life has been busy and hetic at times and if I were to be honest with you other times extremely lazy !!
It is 10 days until the Taylor clan lands oh sweet lord help and protect great Britain !! ha No in all fairness I am actually dead dead excited about them all coming but at the same time as previously stated I worry tremendously for my sanity as well!

I have attempted to clean my flat and keep failing miserably! I have got it to a state of clean but it still looks well not tidy ! So that is my mission for the next 10 days try and make myself tidy. Some may be thinking ‘ crap mission really ‘ but it is not I swear !!!! Trying to make me tidy is a near impossibility it is like trying to make your self believe George Bush has a fully functioning brain! I will clean and put everythign in its place right and it will look amazing …….. For about 5 minutes ! Then the clutter demon takes over and it looks untidy again. And this is not just solely in my flat this includes my car and my desk and my handbag. I am soon going to turn into my grandmother and save every plastic type container I can get my hands on I know I will !!! Believe medication may be in order soon to stop this problem!ha

Now onto another of my unreasonable compulsions this one though however is not completely unreasonable as I have a strong belief that others have the seasonal issue as well. This is the latest a obsession. I am now lying in bed every night worrying myself to fully awake on who else I should or should not be buying Xmas pressies for !! You may be thinking ‘ give me a break not a big issue at all ‘ BUT IT IS DAMMIT !!!!! You worry who you offend you worry who would have got you something and you didn’t get them anything , you worry also about what you got someone and if it is to cheap or to expensive !! It is a never ending bloody issue !!!

Here is a example.My best mate Sarah is excessively hard to shop for she is not picky but she is also happy with just about anything you get her. You are now all thinking well if she is happy with anything then this should be easy ! Well it is not at all. I want to get her something fun something she will enjoy and will make her smile. She loves Wallace and Gromitt and creature comforts so I was thinking down those lines then I had a inspirational idea !! Shje bought herself a lush stuffed toy of Gromitt ( the dog ) so I thought brilliant I can get her the giant stuffed toy version of Wallace. So I did my research and turns out the bastards only do a stuffed toy version of the dog !?!?! What a bunch of dumb asses !! Why would you do one and not the other ?? They are a pair they should be together in every toy aspect !!! So my brilliant idea became a dead dead idea!. So basically I am back to square one and I have absolutely no idea what to get her driving me mad. Any ideas would be of great great help ( not that anyone ever reads my damn blog now )
Speaking of people not reading my blog or sorta kinda speaking of it. How do people manage to get themselves nominated for these cool blog awards ( URBS The Urban Blogging Awards) ?? How in gods name do they firstly get that many people reading them and secondly become so cool in the blog world to be nominated ! It is like being in high school again and having the cool and popular gang the mildly cool but intelligent group and then the geeks and well then me. That is seriously what it is like!! Baffles me how these people manage to get these faceless followers who religiously read them and how they become so good at blogging as well ?! Also are they all unemployed ???? How in christs name do they find the damned time to do this ?!
Just winds me up that I am not nearly that talented nor can I write about overly interesting things 24 hours a day let alone once a week and lets face it I CANNOT SPELL !! If they had a award for worst typed spelt blog there would be no competition I would win that bastard with honors!!!
anyway enough whinging
bye x