Have you Ever Longed for Something to Happen ….NOW!!!

31 08 2007

Well have you ? Have you ever dreamed that thing has happened ? Have you ever woken up in the morning think that dream is real?
Then have you realized after that few seconds of happy sleepy just woken up time that it all just came crashing down round your wrinkled and tossed up bed at the realization thatin fact you were dreaming ??
Well I have and I keep doing it every single god damn morning for the last week ! I am not sleeping well. I am going to sleep each night with the last concious thought being of that and then realizing if I make it my last thougt it only means I am going to dream about it …again but at that point it is to late the seed has been planted.

So this is the thing all: My friend from the UK who you have all ready about is seriously considering imigrating over here to Canada. In fact I think he has pretty much made up his mind. I want him to be sure he is making a good judgement call for himself. I know he is but he needs to realize he is it is not for me to decide or sway him ( inside I am screaming MOVE NOW DAMMIT ! )
So I have been doing all this research for him. OH MY GOD ! It is sooo hard to get in this damn cold country lol. He actually completely qualifies for a skilled worker however it is a min 5 year wait!!!
There is a much easier option which is a PNP ( Provincal Nomination Plan) basically if he gets a job offer from a company here and the province agrees that it is a under pressure career and they have exhausted all avenues to find a employee then they can hire him. It takes as little as 6 months but the normal time length is roughly 10 – 12 months !
This is a good thing. Finding a mploer willing to go through the paper work is the hard thing.
So for now that longing feeling will have to just stay put as there is nothing I can do about it. It is out of my hands
Anyone got a job going ??

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In Memory Of My Dad

30 08 2007

Today is the 9th aniversary of Dad passing away. He would not have liked us to be moping around, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves. And to be honest we never really have it is not the style of our family, we do not operate that way.

Dad died of a massive heart attack. He had a severe heart condition for the majority of his life. He was on the heart transplant list but alas never made it. He got 18% of the blood and oxygen to his body where others would obviously get more. It never slowed him down.
Dad was insane. Slightly off kilter and very much a English Gentleman and Officer. He had a voice that could be heard over acres and acres of land ( this may have been why he was going so very deaf ! ) He had a personality that could quite literally take over a room in a instant.

He was also a deeply stubborn man, drove mum made to no end. He was not good at admitting when he was wrong and he could be so A type personailty about things. Like every Sunday dad would empty all the spice and food cupboards and re arrange them …I mean honestly who does that ???

He helped mum raise 3 pretty damn good kids if I do say so myself. He taught the three of use the difference between right and wrong, what morality and integrity is and most of all he taught us to be true to ourselves.

Nine years has flown by at sucha rapid speed. I was still in my teens and Alex was in her first year of Uni. And as for George, well George had the weight of the worlds on his 16 year old shoulders. He handled it fairly well considering. Mum had the most to deal with. # rather unruly kids one dead husband and a business to continue running and by god she did and still does it.

I truly believe if dad could see us now he would be so imensely proud. He has 3 kids that have done so so well for themselves. He has a son about to become a teacher which he would have lovewd. Alex would have been the absolute apple of his eye working at NATO and being in political sciences and me well I think he would have been proud of my time alone away from home my maturity and well for being me really.
Mum he would have been sooooo chuffed with. She kept the business going she kept us going as a family.
So Dad you are missed greatly but I think you would have to admit your family has done alright but we still miss you every single day





Monthly Update – Yes a New Thing for You All

26 08 2007

So I have decided to do a monthly update of the excitment or the mundane that I have been up to each month. Just thought would mix it up a little. So here we go August update ( yes yes there is like 4 days left in August but honestly I do not lead that exciting a life to warrent waiting 4 days )
August:
August has been my month of re awakening to me, to who I am and what I want out of life ( do not worry funny shit has happened as well as sad shit)
Firstly will get slightlydepressing or not so funny stuff done.
I fell in a round about way love with my best friend ( see previous posts for gory details) it did me the world of good as it made me realise basically I am not dead. It made me feel wanted again. It made me feel great and heartbroken all at once.

My best friend Mason came ( related to above statement) IT rocked. It made me miss the UK something fierce. But it also made me remember who are my true friends in life and people who know me best.
We went to the island ( Saltspring) This was possibly the funniest times of my life.
Between spending time with family and the boys ( Allan Rocardo, George, Chris, and Elliot) it was a laugh a minute. From Hot bozxing in a hot box. To shot gunning beers at 10:30 in the morning it was wild times. We skinny dipped at 2 int he morning in the ocean and we bought large amounts of BC pot ( smoked large amounts) We tried to catch deer , completely failures at it due to the fact simply that deer are pretty damn fast things you know ! Plus a few had some decent sized antlers ! ( note: no deer were harmed in this process…a few drunk/high humans may have been though)
Mason and I had sooo much fun and not only did I fnd myself again but I found Saltspring again and fell so in love with it all over again. I can see it as home in the future …. not yet but the possiblities are there for it to be seen as home.
I went on my first floatplane ride and flying takes on a whole new meaning !
Some sad news. Cleoleo my ever so lovely cat vanished while we were away. I was and still am pretty devestated about it. No doubt he was doing what he loved when he went which was basically …killing shit. A lot of effort was put into finding him but it has now been almost a month and he is not back.
Not to jump the gun but this weekend I went and got myself a new kitten. I missed having a cat about me as they are such characters. Sooo we have a new member of the family. Boddington. He is a 2 and half month old tabby kitten and a complete individual ! He stood out to me when I went to the SPCA and knew he was the one!
Also this month I threw myself full on into riding full time again. Thunder has taught me how to be fearless all over again. He is massive at about 18 hands high and full of himself. He has helped me with the whole heartbroken thing. I go out for excessively long hacks on him now and it seems to clear my mind completely of all things.
So generally life is good. I have become fast friends with my oldest friend in the world after a 10 year gap . Aron has made me feel pretty chuffed and happy with myself and she has most defiantly helped me realize that really I rock that I am a beautiful girl and life is one big adventure.
So rol on September lets make it a damn good one !





I Swear I am not Normally a Self Pity Fool …But I am Right Now

24 08 2007

So Seriously those who read me regularly ( I now know there is more then 2 there are threee…I have a lurking anynomous who seems pleasant enough and very polite) know I am normally pretty upbeat or even fiesty at times. I like to have a moan about the things that send me round the bend and back ( like the shitty drivers over here in Canada …damn the gets my goat) and I do try to keep it light and entertaining most times.
But I also believe that the purpose behind a blog is to be able to let out what is wrong, what angers you and what hurts you. It is for a person the vent and rage.
I want to vent and rage!! I have not let a boy get under my skin as much as him and the strange thing is I have no idea why I have let it do this??
I have managed to stop the random feelings of dispair but have replaced them with doubting thoughts of ” di it really happen??” or ” OMG what the fuck did I go and do that for” or thoughts of ” will he come back ..SOON ?”
I also know that this will pass as everything else in life does. So this thought is what keeps me from turning into a crazy single late 20 something pining for something that will like never come to fruition.
Poor Thunder the horse is taking a battering as the only thing that seems to completely clear and void my head of any thoughts is going out for stupidly long rides with Thunder. Due to the fact that I have to put every thought into the horse when riding him it means no other thoughts seem to invade the empty places in my mind.
So yes I am a self pity fool right now. Yes I feel deeply sorry for myself and well in a odd sort of way what I lost a week ago. Put again ” this to will pass”





Falling in Love with Riding Again …And Possibly using It as A Replacement Too

24 08 2007
So I have completely fallen in love with a passion I have had for years. I have ridden horses since the age of about 5 or so. I used to be really good. I showed regularly and was generally quite fearless…bordering stupid fearlessness lol

By stupid I mean I would push the limits of my abilities sometimes to not so good consquences lol. I have had great horses through out my life and ridden other peoples stunning monsters as well. My first show pony was Miss Piggy…her name suited her completely! She was the apple of my eye solely because she once threw my little sister off…straight into a rose bush, in my eyes she rocked from that day forth. I then had my first full time fully grown horse. Her name was morningside or Gladys for short ( no idea why lol ) anyway she wasa pig I mean seriously that horse looked pregnent every single day of her life. She had no mane as she rubbed it off and a short scraggly tail. She could jum p like no other horse I have ever owned. She LOVED to jump.

She was eventually sold due to me getting taller.

I am now riding Thunder. Thunder has made me fall in love with riding again. He is part clyde part percheron and maybe friesan no one is really sure. When I first started riding him for his owner he was a barrel a over grown barrel. So barrel like that I could only ride him 15 mins at a time as my hips would be in sheer agony! He knew noting about leg commands, nothing about voice commands nothing above a lumbering walk. Fast forward to today and 3 months later, he is a STUNNER, he has gone from the human version of a size 24 to a size 14. He answers beautifully to leg commands and voice. He is full of energy he never had before. He is like riding a giant charger ( he is a giant to be fair) . I adore nothing more now then going home after work and gym, saddling him up and vansihing down the roads and fields for hours at a time.

He has helped distract me from all the drama I have had for the last month in regards to broken heart. He listens when I natter away at him. He of course does not answer me back people …I am not that crazy..only mildly off kilter.

I would really love to buy Thunder off his owner eventually, and I think he may sell him as seriously he has no idea how to handle him.

So Thunder has been my saving grace the last few weeks and my entertainment for the last 3 months. I look forward to starting lessons in dressage with him taught by Aron. I think he has serious potential once all the weight melts off him.

So thank you Thunder for being one hell of a beast to have fun with ..you rock !





Best friends, Close Friends and Acquaintances

22 08 2007

You know I like to keep my friends close to me. But also I like to havea small friend base. This is solely for the reason that I can then spend and give more attention to the people that mean the most to me.
There are a few that will always stand out heads and shoulders above the rest by a million miles.
Firstly there is Mason which you have all heard about. Mason is one of the few people that I truly let my gaurd down with and well let it out. He also is the one person who can wind me up to no end and knows exactly what button to push to get that hieghtened reaction out of. God he is good at that lol
Amanda was one of my closest friends in the UK. She can make me giggle like no one !! Seriously she does not even need to speak she just needs to look at me and I am in fits. She was there with me through bad break ups with boyfriends. She was there when I was homesick and so fed up. The girl is down to earth and just rocks.

Last but not least Aron. I have known Aron since the age of 3. Yes 3!! We used to rule the monkey bars at Blueberry community hall. We were thick and fast friends. We went through Elementry to High School together. She was popular but never ever rude or discerning upon who she was friends with and I was quiet slightly picked on and really did not mix with school people. We shared and share a strong common bond of a love of horses, the magnificent beasts they are. I actually rode Arons old horse before she bought him ( that horse rocked my world) We drifted apart. She got married ( then divorced) I left the country and tried to find out who I was. 10 years later we got back in touch and you know it was like it had only been 10 hours since we had last spoken. I deeply regret not being here as a friend when she went through rough times such a big regret on that. Aron is one of the few people that can throw a compliment my way and I know it is truly from the heart and genuine! She is one of the most stunning women I know in the world yet she is NEVER big headed about it and I love her for that. She is by far one of the best horsewomen I have ever come across and I am envious ( not in a bad way ) of that. But most of all she is a true and beautiful friend
She has these great quotes on her facebook so thought I would write down my 2 favs of hers

” Turn your face to the sun and let the shadows fall behind you”
” Remember there are oceans between us……but thats not very far”





Rant,Affairs of the Heart, Music and General Babble Really

21 08 2007

So no I am not a complete depressive the old me is still here and I am here to make you laugh.
Well at least chuckle out loud ok.
So first a babble:
Best ever Funny Moment of Trip to Saltspring:
Picture this Three grown boys sitting in a Sauna. They have just taken a naked dive at 2 in the morning in the ocean…needless to say they are cold hence the sauna. There is a lot of booze involved and pot. Boys are sitting there and decide they require a bowl of BC weed…BIG MISTAKE. Turns out smoking up in a hot Sauna is possibly not the wisest of moves. Saying that they are smoking pot drunk so wise moves were never on the cards really were they. And the this line came out of my little brothers mouth. A pure George classic in fact it is so good it needs to be a line in some American Pie style movie:
” Dudes do you realize we are hot boxing ….in a HOT BOX?????!!!”
Deadly serious he said this. I had to leave as I was choking on my own laughter at this point. Sheer and pure genius as far as I am concerned.
psst…your giggling or at least chuckling aren’t you ??

Right Rant time:
ITS FREAKIN BLOODY ASS CHILLINGLY COLD!!! It is August in case you forgot and it is cold. So pissed about this damn weather. Woke up in the middle of the night last night unable to feel my arm due to fact that it was actually completely numb!! Need Mason back at least arms were taken care of then …..

Music time: I have fallen in love with music again. I am serious when I say I have not been listening to music almost at all for the last half year. I am not sure why just was not for some reason. Maybe partly because I was missing the British music scene so much. Anyway having Mason here did for some reason through me right back into my love of great tunes and music. It threw me back into the love of music for moments that it suits.
So this is my current list of addictions and trust me they are all over the damn board just so you know:
Tiesto New Album : I adore this album it is my music for driving into work sometimes. There is something about sunrise and letting the beats and sounds of his music just literally wash over me. Best tracks: 1 2 3 and 11 love 11
Sam Roberts: Firstly the man is Canadian so he rocks no matter what. My little Bro George introduced me to him when I came back. I bought the older album he did with the Taj mahal track on it and its my Sunday afternoon rocking to my own beat music. Best track : 1 7 well actually the whole damn album !!
and now for my biggest music addiction
The Fray: This album makes me cry every single song does it. It is the song writing that does it for me. These boys can write good old fashion songs. Songs with meaning and heart. When they sing these tunes you know they mean every word. You know every word is really and means something to them. I cry everytime. Other drivers look at the funny singing crying lady every day lol lol. Best tracks are 1 2 and 3. Track 1 ” she is ” because it is for guys (
and girls) who do not realize that “the” one is right infront of them that as they say ” she is everything I need that I never knew I wanted” I know that feeling. Track 2 “Over my Head” because it is about wanting to know the truth about life and love and simply put being in over your head and having her in your mind head and soul constantly
Finally the one that has me crying all the time “How to save a life” . It is possibly the most meaningful peaceful and gut wrenching songs I have heard. It makes me relive all past relationships I have had both good and bad. It makes me think of the total fuck ups I have made and the ways I have been totally fucked about. It makes me think of all I have and all I have lost presently in a friendship and past in losing my dad. I reccomend you buy this album. Chose a sunny day not a dark day and sit down and listen to it through to the end. It is simply one of the best albums I have purchased. Some would call it slit your wrist music. I call it music that makes you think and that is rare
Finally Affairs of the Heart:
I am still utterly heartbroken…no change there people ..Heartbroken…….