The Most Anxiety Filled Day Of Every Week

26 10 2007

So you are asking why would there be one day every week which is filled with Anxiety?? Trust me in my working week there is.

It is not for reasons you may think like payroll or end of month or even complaints days. It is for the following reason.

Thursday is Check Pool Day. You are no likely asking what is this check pool day thing?? I will explain it for you all. Basically everyone puts in 5.00 dollars every Thursday to the pool. In a bag there are little metal discs with numbers. You have an pre arranged number for your disc (mine is 259). At the 2:30 tea break the draw is made. First place gets all the money second place gets a free in to the following weeks draw. The booty generally averages around about 350 bucks so it’s not bad really for free money. At Christmas everyone puts in 20 dollars and that one averages at 2000.00 bucks!!
So every Thursday I am nervously waiting to see if I have won. I sit at my desk and wait to hear the giant air horn sound off indicating that the break is over which means the winner is about to get his or her money. It is a fraught and nerve racking time I tell you!

See there is another issue. Along with being nervous about winning I am also a “marked” woman. I actually won the check pool the very first time I went into it. This was my first week of work. I then won again 3 weeks later AND again 1 and half months later. So far I have made just under 1000.00 dollars on the check pool. You are now wondering why I am a marked women right? Well there are guys who have worked here for over 30 years. The average working time at this company is about 20 years….people do not leave….ever. These guys have NEVER won the check pool. Yet here I come the new young estimator office girl and just start winning!! When I walk across the main welding shop floor to get to the main front offices I swear I can feel holes being burnt into my back by the disgruntled losing welders or if it’s not from their eyes it could be their welding torches! I keep my head down and truck on through the shop floor for fear of death by welding torch or grinding machine.
So yes Thursday’s at 2:40 pm are the most anxiety filled time of the week for me….

* Note: I did not win this week …oh well


The Toll of Humans and Animals in California Fires

24 10 2007

I have been following the fires in California closely over the last few weeks. I do not believe that any television pictures or newspaper articles can do justice to the immense scale of this fire.

In my mind it does not matter whether a house is 1 million dollars or 100,000 dollars or who the owners are. What matters is the fact that these people are having their entire lives absolutely and utterly devastated right now and it is virtually out of their control and hands.

What I was however happy to see is the organization of the entire operation of evacuation. Clearly lessons have been learned from New Orleans. Although the 2 disasters are like comparing apples and oranges the basic principles of rescue and survival are identical. I read an article on ABC news regarding the NFL stadium where the vast majority of people seem to be going to. It was both heartbreaking and touching at the same time. Hotels are putting big buffets on for the people. There are massages for free. It’s organized and most importantly CIVILIZED! These things are not paid for by the government. The hotels donated the food and the massages are being offered by a women also displaced by these fires. What I found disheartening from the article were the comments from their fellow Americans complaining that this never happened in New Orleans, they pulled the rich card, the race card and the “its California card” Guess what …they are humans ! They learnt from previous mistakes and found a better way to deal with a tragic situation.

But one of the things that I have followed even more closely is the animals, pets, equines and zoos. I am an animal lover. I believe as much as we need to help ourselves we need to rescue and help them as well as they cannot rescue themselves.
The SHEER scale of the horse rescues actually brought a tear to my eye. Fellow horse people like myself will know you would lay your life down for your horse friend and that what is happening. A rescue center has been set up in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Hundreds upon thousands of horses, cows, pigs, dogs and cats are being brought in by owners SPCA and random citizens with amazing hearts. The horses have their owner’s phone numbers and where they can be found shaved straight into their coats.
If I had the money the means the time I would actually go and help in all honesty. But reading what efforts have already been made has eased my mind. There are stories of families not in direct danger taking as many animals as possible into their homes and onto their land.
All this has given me a slightly altered perspective on the American people. I will not be the harsh critic I usually am in regards to them on this disaster. They are doing the most admiral job possible. Between the fire services, rescue services, SPCA, Animal cruelty units, Police and most importantly the public and residents they are making the best of a bad situation and handling it in a way that is beyond words to describe.

Do You Ever Feel Unsure of Yourself or Your Self Worth

21 10 2007

I do. I always feel unsure of myself. I am not sure why that is but it is the case with me 100%. I am a very outgoing and straight forward person and tend to try and not let myself get beatr down as I find it generally a waste of time.
However outward apperances are never whats going on inside any person. I have never met a person who matches their inside apperance identically to their outside apperances. I applaud anyone out there who can truthfully and whole heartedly say that this is the case for them!

Inside I do consistently second geuss myself. I have no clue why I do this but I do it. I do it in social situations, I do it in dating situations ( hence the likeliness singledom I seem doomed to aimlessly wander through FOREVER lol) I do it in family situations. I along with my sister and brother were raised to be confident and strong indiviuals. It seemed to have worked with the other 2 but for unexplainable reasons I missed that boat. As I said I may come across as this extremely confident and together girl but inside I am like a a typoon of doubt. When in social situations while speaking outloud it is highly likely inside I am say ” OH MY GOD! Shut up Louisa you are making no sense people will laugh at you not with you soon” or ” you are not even remotely cool right now, these people could wipe the floor with you in the coolnehess stakes Lou”
When I date or start dating or have been with someone for a while I still get that feeling of dread and fear. The feeling of ” you are just a stop gap for this person” or ” really they just feel sorry for you hence they date you, like their good deed for the year” You know what that is not the case and I realise that however I cannot seem to stop the freight train which is my thought pattern sometimes! lol It just keeps chugging along irelevent of how good or bad things may be!

I would love the doubt of myself to vanish …like now!! I will admit that lately it has in social situations. I have learnt to take the attitude of “fuck it, not my problem its their problem” but on occasion it still pops up like a angry wasp. Dating is a whole different kettle of fish though. In the past and recently I have managed to convince myself that the other person is not remotely interested and he is just humoring me. I have been wrong almost 99% of the time!! And yet I still do not learn from the previous hard lesson to stop the doubting lol lol

I do know this as a fact of life and gospel for myself and my life. I know who my friends are. I know that if they heard the little voice in the back of my mind out loud they would slap me silly and knock the voice out. I know that whom ever I date that instinct will kick in as it has in the past and it will crush that self doubt. I know that my friends value my friendship. I know that I actually have a massive earthly amount of self worth and so far that knowledge of myself has won over the doubting thomas in my sub concious. I know that one day I will be one of those sickingly happily married and lovely people out there. I know that when that happens and when I realise the judgement of others has no baring on my life those doubting voices will vanish completely. And for now I will just have to wage a battle to keep the at bay until I know myself fully for myself …….

I Have Been on The Hunt

19 10 2007

No not the man hunt as begining to believe the Louisa curse is kicking in again on that front… a whole different post for you all at another time

No I have been on the hunt for a song that I have had no idea of who the singer is or the tittle. For Canadian readers they may know what I am talking about. The Joe comericals ( for UK readers Joe is like George in ASDA but it is in our Superstore over here) They have been playing as series of new adds that are simply amazing and some of the best marketing I have seen in a very long time. It is all down to a song.
It has been a song that has been stuck in my head for weeks and weeks. The same line has played in my head over and over ” your my dream tonight”. If you like Feist you will adore this song as well as the other song called “Mixed Up” from another ad campaign.
So I went on the hunt to find this song. I eventually found you could actually download it straight from the Joe website But that still did not satisfy me I wanted to know who sang this song!!! The women has what I call a fairy like voice. It grabs your heart when she sings and I can safely say it has grabbed my heart so much
This is what I found. Her name is Rhonda Stakich from Toronto. Her name is NOT on the Joe webiste which personally annoys me as it is a unreal song !
It always makes me happy to find a not on the radar artist. It makes me happy to find a non mainstream talented voice! If you like Feist you will like this women. I hope to hear more of her music

Paranoid or Being a Fool or Neither

19 10 2007

I have a tendancy to think the worst of things. I believe I do this as a protection sort of barrier really. I think sub-conciously I do it on purpose really. I have the belief maybe that if I think the worst then the worst will not happen to me.

I am never very good at opening myself up to people due to past experinces and my personality. However I put on a very good front of always being open and optomistic which I think is a skill ha ha !

So if someone was not speaking to you like they did before do you assume the worst? Do you assume that it is for a bad reason ( which is what I tend to do ) or do you assume you are being foolish and simply paranoid ?! It is likely I am being paranoid to be truthful but it is like there is this little voice in my head saying ” Its the worst possible reason Louisa and you know it !” lol lol I am not sure yet how to stop the worst case thinking I tend to do more often then not but I know I need to.
Also I do know that if something changes in a friendship or aquaintance then it is not worth worrying over. There are somethings in your life you cannot change. There are somethings in your life you cannot control.
The only thing you can change is yourself and only for the better. The only thing you can control is yourself and again for good and not bad. So I will control my destiny and my life. I will stop worrying over things I cannot control. I have to realize I cannot make people like me or want me. I think once I figure that out I will be ok really.

Yep this is the end of another Louisa Babble everyone lol THANKS!! x

When Life Stops Rolling Your Way

18 10 2007

So I am so ill right now. It truly is aweful beyond words. I have been fighting a cold for over a week and was beginning to win the battle. I just felt really run down thats all, but I was winning!

Then two days ago I started getting a sore eyelid ( lower) I reckoned it was just a sty nothing more. I was wrong. I woke up this morning went to brush my teeth, looked up in the mirror, and JUMPED back!! My eye was virtually swollen shut ! I mean painfully swollen. It was swollen down beside my nose. It was painful I cannot reiterate how painful this was. I then realized I could not breath through my nose. Turns out I lost the battle with the cold as well. Called work said I was not going to be in and PASSED out in bed. I made a emergancy appointment with the Doc and went in.

So this is what it is: He believes I have had a allergic reaction to something but for the life of him he has no idea what. Then it got infected and a syst yep lovely I know!!! So he has given me heavy duty antibiotics and told me to hot compress it and rest up and be looked after. It was the last part of his reccomendation that sent me in a sad pathetic sorry for myself.

See mum is away for the next 3 weeks. So I am in this massive house by myself, feeling sick, feeling sorry for myself and also feeling slightly lonely 😦

Is it to much to ask of the world to have someone to look after you when you feel poorly ? I am beginning to believe that potentially it is lol lol

So there you go I am sick ( by the way not contagious sick lol ) and feeling sorry for myself lol

Music Music Music ! God I love it !

17 10 2007

Its time for another music recommendation entry for you all. As you are aware from the previous blog entry I am currently on a major music kick due to my sexy Ipod Touch ( Oh yeah did I mention I have a shiny new Ipod touch…I didn’t??… Are you sure???….lol)
So I currently LOVE any music I can get my hands on. However there are a few songs and artist out there that stand heads and shoulders above the crowds due to the greatness of their music. So I thought I would pass this all one to you.

There is also an underlying tone to this entry and that is the following: I need recommendations from you all on what artist you are loving right now, what I should download. I am looking for great British acts as well as they seem to be lacking completely on this side of this pond as the music frankly sucks on the radios over here!!

Ok on with my current list of Favorites:

Paulo Nutini
Now for my English readers this is no new artist for you as he has been out over there for over a year. However he is just breaking out over here. I adore this man. I find it completely intriguing that he has SUCH an Italian name and yet he could not be more Scottish so Scottish you cannot understand a word he says in interviews. Fav songs are pretty much all of them but to list the 2 I love currently they are: Million faces, a truly lovely easy listening song. The other and bigger fav is Jenny Don’t be Hasty. This is a classic singing to tapping your foot to in the kitchen song just wicked!!

Plain White T’s
Ok I know that these guys are coming out over there in the UK but they have been here for a bit. I love these guys. It’s another fresh band that has actual stories to their songs. This is the group that I will listen to over and over and over and never get bored. The song I am loving is “Hey there Delilah”. This song made me cry the first time I heard it. I can only wish in my life time to have a man as devoted and unreal as the one in this song. I recommend you find this Album “Every Second Counts” and BUY IT NOW PEOPLE.

Time for a little Canadian for you all. I was introduced to this women’s music 2 ways. Firstly it was the song advertising the new Ipods and she was also featured in a recent Greys Anatomy show. It is nice to hear a woman sing and not screech down your ears. She has a strangely addictive voice that seems to pull you in. It is music that makes you smile out of the corner of your mouth or from your eyes. I would say she is another of my Sunday listening albums. Another one you need to buy guys. Best song by a country mile is “1234” it makes you want to move and tap your foot. It makes you want to spin in a circle is a leaf covered fall field. It’s simply “nice”

And that’s all folks. Let me know what you think? Also give me recommendations!! I need to fill this Ipod up!