I Miss British Men

20 11 2007

God I really miss English Men!!! You cannot comprehend how much I miss them. See the creatures that are English men and the creatures that are Canadian Men are 2 very very different species.

They are so different it is scary. It makes a girls head spin endlessly with self doubt. So I will try and explain the difference between the 2 creatures and let me tell you they are complete opposites.

Canadian Men

They are such self involved men. I find that they think of themselves as more then they are. It’s almost as if they have airs above their stations. They believe themselves to be god’s gift to all and sundry.
Canadian men appear to only want 3 types of women either invidually or combined: The stick insect (she lives of lettuce leaves and only that…maybe water if she is lucky). The Barbie doll cheerleader. They effectively bounce around a whole lot generally not very smart. Although they are thin they have big knockers and a giant ass…Canadian men seem to appreciate this for some reason. Finally the fake not remotely real girl. These girls are also bitches to be honest. They always seem to be in uber bitch mode and have perfect hair.
Heaven forbid that a Canadian man wants a real woman. Or women who will challenge them or make them think…oh yes to be able to think guys! They do not want a woman who is real and laughs from the belly, will eat a hamburger because it simply looks damn good!
The other big difference is as follows. Canadian men do not look after themselves. They generally have some of the worst dress sense on the face of the earth. By this I mean flannel shirts and white socks with dress pants…YES I AM SERIOUS. They may get a decent haircut once every 6 months for if they go every month or 2 months they fear they may be thought of as “gay” yep very gay…give me a break.
But most of all I find them judgmental. This one really irks me. I am not one to blow a guy out upon first meeting them I am someone who will give them a chance. Maybe that’s the idealist within me?? I do not know

British Men

They do have faults before I start but they are so minor in comparison to Canadian men.

First of all a British guy as far as I am concerned cannot be bothered with stupid women. They really can’t. They seem to pick the more intelligent women out there and that rocks as far as I am concerned.
British men tend not to like the skinny girls of the world. They appear to love a woman who has some substance to her. They like something to hold onto I guess?
British men make laugh endlessly. They are damn funny people. They are self deprecating and sarcastic. They know exactly what button to push with me to make me giggle a proper giggle.
British men DO look after themselves. The myth that they all have bad hair, bad teeth and bad glasses is so very wrong. British men go to the hairdresser regularly. They wear the coolest sexiest cloths. Some even get manicures…no this is not gay! I personally would like a guy who touches me to have good hands people is that not to much to ask?
They spend time buying great cloths that SUIT them.
But most of all as far as my experiences have been up until now compared to Canadian men British men know how to love. They seem to be able to express themselves so much better. They do not wait for a girl to make the move before they do. They just tend throw it out there.

So yep there it is I prefer British men. Now do not get me wrong there is likely a Canadian guy out there who will turn my opinion. A guy who will turn my head and make me pay attention to them. I just wish they would kind of appear now because currently they are not doing a very damn good job you know!


Defining True Friendship

16 11 2007

Friendship is defined so differently by each individual. I do believe that some people have what is a warped version of friendship. They believe it as a status symbol if they are friends with a certain person. They believe it good to be friends with a rich person or a powerful person. To me this is a warped and strange version of friendship.

I have always had “friends” who I class as fair weather friends. Then I have my true and deep friends and there are not many of them. This is not because no one wants to be friends with me this is because I choose a select few to spend my time and energy on. I chose a small group so I can spend MORE time with them rather then having vast amounts of friends and spreading myself thin.

My friends mean the world to me. They are my backbone and my reality check. Friends like Aron remind me to have fun all the time and she reminds me I am of value and worth something. Friends like Mason remind me I am beautiful and needed all the time. These are true friends.

These are a few things that I believe describe true friendship in my eyes:

A true friend will catch me when I fall
A true friend will accept me for me and my faults and flaws and will celebrate those with me.
I can call a true friend when I am heartbroken and babble endlessly and although I may feel a fool that friend will never let me believe I am a fool.
To me a true friend is someone I would trust my deepest and darkest secrets with. Being safe in the knowledge that those secrets are in the vaults for a life time and will never escape.
A true friend is someone I would trust my life and my heart with.
True friends will tell you the hard cold and honest truth. At the time it may appear to be painful and hurtful but that is never the intent. The intent of that friend is to remind you of whom you are and where you are going astray. Only a friend can do this best.
A true friend is someone you make a godparent to your child not because they are just a true friend but because the0y are the type of person who has the right character traits to guide your child through life.
True friends will tell you that you are a beautiful person and when they tell you that you know it is true and honest.
True friends are there for you when there is catastrophe and when there is endless pain
A true friend is there when there is nothing but pure joy in your life.

The list could be endless but rest assured that my true friends fit every single one of those descriptions and even more. I would do anything for my friends. If had all the money in the world I would take them on the biggest most incredibly fun and insane world trip just because it would be FUN!!
I know that I am so fortunate to have the friends I have. I know that there are people out there who are not as lucky as me and are missing out on the incredible feeling of true and steady friendship
This is what I have true and steady friendship. The love of a good friend is so very hard to describe I just know that I have that love everyday

What is Happiness to You ?

15 11 2007

What is happiness mean to you? By that I mean how do you define happiness in your life?
I have always thought of happiness as a very subjective thing. Everyone has a different version or meaning of happiness. I would like to think I have a very straightforward version of happiness.

To me happiness is actually a very simple thing that most people seem not to be able to achieve, including myself.

Happiness in my definition is as follows. It is the feeling of being wanted and needed. It is knowing someone else craves or needs to be in your presence. If someone has that desire then that means you have the ability to make them happy. Making someone happy is a sure fire way to being happy yourself, it’s like a good deed turned.

It is the feeling of relaxation. Relaxing is a hard thing to do and when you figure out how to do it properly I think you can be super happy. I am a person that actually finds it very hard to relax or “shut off” I am constantly turned on. I am go go go all the time. So when I manage to switch off and just chill out it is unreal, it is a state of happiness that is very hard to describe! All I know is when I relax I am happy.

Although I hate to admit it money does play a factor in happiness. If you can live your life without the worry of financial issues then you are less stressed which equates to being happier. However money does not buy happiness, it does not by love or friendship and love and friendship are keys to happiness.

Living in the country makes me so happy. I grew up there it is where I belong. I do love the city and all it has to offer. However nothing beats a winter night, a fire place, glass of wine and ….silence. Pure uninterrupted …silence. It is pure bliss for me. Being able to ride through gigantic fields whenever I wish with the horses is happiness. Riding is likely the ultimate feeling of freedom for me and that is a pure state of happiness as far as I am concerned

The biggest thing though for me that makes me happy is being in a relationship. I flourish when I am in a relationship. My sense of self worth increases. My self esteem is boosted. I feel needed and wanted. I feel beautiful and stunning. All of these things make me happy beyond words. I fall asleep at night with a grin on my face when I am happy

So happiness as I said is all subjective. To one person it is being able to buy what ever you want to another person it is the ability to smile on a daily basis. Happiness is a very individual and unique thing to acquire and I think once you can find that happiness you can almost always stay happy. It’s all in the mind as far as I am concerned. If you are able to keep your self happy internally you will always show that happiness on the outside to others

Come out of Your Music Comfort Zone !

13 11 2007

I have been writing a lot about music of late. This would be due to the Ipod touch otherwise known as gods gift, being fused to my palm.

I grew up with a love of music. I had parents who were music lovers and passed that on to their kids. I would like to think that we all have very good taste in music and a reasonable idea of what is quality music and what is “fluff” music. Do not get me wrong I always love a little bit of mindless fluff once and a while.

I had a Dad who adored Pink Floyd and all the great Jazz players. I had a Mum who loved Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones. So we grew up with a great appreciation of what I call “Real” Music. I remember as a child watching my Mum on a Sunday afternoon in the dead of winter shimmying her way across the kitchen to Dylan and Dad turning up the Jazz to unbelievable levels to his undeniable lack of hearing! lol

Even now Mum will still put Dylan on and we will all know the words. I will be honest when I say I do not know many people my age let alone my younger brother’s age that know most of Dylan’s songs and appreciate them for the incredibly meaningful songs and lyrics that they are.

So yes I have been on a music kick!! Currently I have a small obsession with a few albums in particular with thanks to my friend Allen downloading them onto my god’s gift ( ipod touch )

Punk Goes Acoustic
I am so feeling this album and punk goes acoustic 2 as well. I do like some punk music but it is something I can only tolerate in small doses due to the fact that half the time I can’t hear a damn word that they are saying. So when I listen to the acoustic album I hear it all and realize how good some of the songs are.
Particular Favorite right now is “Memory” by Sugarcult. I love the tone and pitch of his voice. I get the feeling and meaning behind this song. It is a snappy and good song love it .
I also love Punk Goes 80’s and one song in particular. Video killed the Radio Star . I have always loved this song before hearing this version and now I am completely hooked on it with this version! It is one of the best “remakes” of a song I have ever heard.

Another group I have been introduced to thanks to my bro and Allen is Secondhand Serenade. I will be honest I had never heard of them before they were put on the Ipod and now I cannot stop hearing them enough. Again they are songs with stories. I am someone who needs to find a story or a meaning in the music that I listen to. If I do not find that then I begin to think it is rather pointless assaulting my eardrums with meaningless shit.
This album “Awake” is one big story. Favorite track is “I hate this Song” yes it is a slightly melancholy and can be somewhat sad but who cares it’s a song with a purpose and that’s all I need. Other mentionable tracks are the title song Awake and Take me with You.

So yes I am slightly deafer then I was last month. I am expanding my musical taste from what is familiar and comfortable to me and I am having fun doing it.

I say to everyone along with buying the current and up to date albums you need to go out and buy the classics and the godfathers of music. The Pink Floyds and the Bob Dylan’s. You need to see where good music came from before you are able to weed through the Fluff of modern day music. Listening to Dylan and Floyd will make you appreciate all the more the bands that are currently making the effort to be real musicians and artists.
I also recommend everyone comes out of there “music comfort zone” and buy an album they have never heard of or would never usually buy. It might surprise you how much music you are missing out there that is not mainstream and top 40

A Chance to Feel Greatness

12 11 2007

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in such a long long time and it is completely down to best friend Aron.
I was given the best honor ever of being allowed to ride her amazing horse Ike. Some of you may be thinking “It is just a horse and it is really not that big a deal” This is not just a horse everyone.
This is an athlete, a fine tuned machine. He is the most stunning and expensive horse I have ever ridden in my life.
Ike is a Friesian breed. They are one of the oldest and most baroque breeds of horses. They are tall and majestic in style and appearance. Ike fits this description to perfection.

He is one of the best trained horses I have ever known in my life. This is down to the dedication and immense skill of Aron and her late and very dear trainer Nadeem. So when she asked me if I wanted to ride Ike I will fully admit my first gut reaction was to yell “UH NO CHANCE!! I am so not good enough to ride him lol “But she was instant and wanted to see how I would bond and react with Ike for any future help she may need with him. I decided ok she trusts me enough so you may as well go for it!! It’s a once and a lifetime chance to do this!
Well when the time came to get on Ike after Aron had finished riding him I was to put it bluntly …shitting myself! I tend not to get nervous around horses they are like an extension of who I am and my make up. However with Ike I just knew it was a different ball game.
Any fear I had vanished the minute I sat down properly and had the reins in my hands. All I can say for a description of what riding Ike is like is …poetry in motion. The is a fluid and forward movement that to some may be terrifying but to me excites and exhilarates me. It felt incredible. He is a credit to Aron and Nadeem and the hours and years of hard work they have put into the boy.
So as I said it was simply one of my best moments. It has to be top 5 at least. I cannot wait for the opportunity to do it again.
Even more then being able to ride was the huge and unfathomable compliment Aron has paid me for simply allowing me to ride her magnificent beast. For anyone who knows when you have a horse like that you do not mess around with it. You do not risk habits being taught to them. You do not risk him or rider being hurt, you simply do not risk. So for her to let me on was the confidence boost I needed to remind myself that yes indeed I am a good rider and that I need to remind myself of that daily from now on
Thank you again to both Aron and Ike

Being Selfish Should Be a Art Form You Know

9 11 2007

They always say that being selfish is a bad thing. Society manages to make you feel guilty for being selfish. It is considered socially unacceptable to be such a thing.

If a mother is at the end of her rope with a toddler or new born and she wants “me” time or she wants to go off by herself, she is considered selfish for wishing to do so. I believe in that situation it is the complete opposite. She is doing the right thing in the fact that she is re grouping herself. She is calming herself down so she can be the best mother she can be. Yet society deems her to be a selfish self interested mother.

I wife decides she wants to go out and do her thing instead of catering to a husband and his needs and society deems this to be selfish??? ….

All of this makes no sense to me. I will admit though sub consciously I have bowed to societies ideas of what is social unacceptable in the selfishness department.
I am the type of person that will continually put the needs of others before myself. I do it because I am a nice person. I have this unwavering belief that karma will eventually bite you back in the ass really hard. I believe in the phrase no good deed goes unturned. But recent events have made me realize that maybe I should be selfish ….
Someone I “like” basically has to make a decision between me and something else ( here comes that whole anonymous thing mentioned in the below post again lol) so I cannot mention the something else out of respect but be safe in the knowledge that the something else is a very big thing people.
I have done the Louisa response of ” you have to look after yourself and do the right thing, and I support you”
Wellllll for the first time in a very very long time I completely regretted what I was saying. Inside I was screaming PICK ME PICK ME !! ( like I am a nose or something lol ) I just recoiled in fear inside at the thought that I would not be first to be picked. I panicked that I was losing something that potentially could be very very good and amazing.
I hate this feeling. Its like the old tug of war between right and wrong. Do I unselfishly fully offer my support. Do I attempt not sway the decision in my way do I be the “nice” person I have always been ….nice does not necessarily always work though.
Or do I be something so very foreign and against my nature and grain. Do I become a selfish person and pray I am picked or sway the decision somehow that I am picked? Being selfish is a foreign concept to me. Its something a lot of people have no issue being but for me it is not in my nature it is not something I can do naturally or with ease. But you know maybe this is the time that I do throw myself out of my “nice” comfort zone and take a chance.
Hmmm right my ramble is complete I am no closer to being clear minded or having a clear thought pattern if anything I have now made it worse dammit !! lol

Just When I Thought…..

8 11 2007

Its always hard to write about things in a anonymous way for me. I am such a personal person that I can’t do the “hypothetical friend” sotries or the “what if” stories or the ” I have a a friend of a friend” stories very well. So I will try my hardest to make this entry as anonymous as possible.

You know just when I thought or started to believe things were rolling my way …bang brick wall. It took a huge amount of courage I suppose for me to throw myself back into the dating world. I, as written previously, have major brick walls that take a aweful lot to tear down. I have them up for so many reasons I cannot even begin to explain on here as they are that personal and most people do not know about them not even most of my best friends. So suffice to say for me to let even one of those walls down takes a huge amount out of me both emotionally and mentally.
When I am told that things may not happen the way I was hoping then I tend to feel slightly disgarded. This is completely not the other persons fault it has to be said. This is something so beyond and out of their control that I am actually very understanding about it and what ever decsions are made make complete sense to me even before they are made.

However the minute I realised that things were not going to go the way I had wished that brick wall slowly or even rapidly started re-building itself! I have finally felt comfortable with someone else for the first time in a long long time. I have finally let myself go a little enjoyed myself and well had fun and its sort of back fired on me.
Do I have some sort of seek and destroy beacon attached to my body. Do I have some sort of sign that god has pinned on me like the tail on a donkey that says ” get her gaurd down boys and then watch the fun commence” lol Seriously I laugh but really I am not laughing out of fun or hilarity I am laughing at the joke that seems to be becoming my relationship life. In fact as I type this i have my head slightly turned so all the macho welders cannot see the tear that insists on welling up in my eye ! damn tear lol
I think that what really gets me is this was not a serious thing yet in anyway there were things still nit picking at me that I was trying to figure out. However clearly it meant more then I may have at first thought
So its is potentially back to square 1 for me yet again. You know what I am not sure I can go through the hassle of trying to get to square 2 3 and 4 again. It is so much effort for me to get there and feel safe there. I was getting there or at least to square 2 and yes I did feel safe.