Another New Favorite Song :-)

27 11 2008

One of my favorite bands has yet again release and stellar and amazing song. It is my current rowing music and I will listen to it over and over and over. The Fray is one of those bands that draws a raw emotion out of me whenever I hear their music.

I know it is them from the first cord of whatever song plays. They are one of the rare bands that will make me cry. I have a deep attachment to them and will always listen to them

If you want a gut reaction to a song, if you want a song that makes you think and makes your emotions react in such away you want to listen to it over and over then this is your song

You Found Me


Its A Love Hate Thing

27 11 2008

Christmas….Love it and hate it …feel bad for saying that but it is completely true!

Anyone who knows me knows I get overly excited for Christmas. I love the time off I adore spending time with my family and absolutely love giving gifts to my friends and family. I do love Christmas I really do but there is a big part of me that is ever increasingly hating it 😦

I hate being single around Christmas I really do. I want to be able to wake up next to someone that morning and watch them open the gifts I spent time and put thought into. I want spend the day with them and just chill like you do one Christmas day. But it is not just the day I hate its the whole season.

 I have refused to go to the company party this year because going last year single was not a good experience and was rather depressing. So on company Christmas party day I shall be at the stables Ipod firmly rammed into my ears as I ride my horse and attempt to not feel pathetic lol

 The season is hard really when you think about it. You see couples shopping together, you see them getting out of taxis on their way to various functions and parties and you cannot help but feel ever so lonely and somewhat unloved…yes that is depressing but its my blog so suck it up lol

Even worse this year is that my family is all flying off to Europe on boxing day for 4 weeks leaving myself 1 dog and 3 cats alone in the house ….oh the joy. Not only alone but alone with huge amounts of left overs and decorations to take down. Do not get me wrong I am very pleased they are all going and I really hope they have a brilliant time but in the same breath I am kind of sad at the thought of it all really. Can’t help it just seems to be my state of mind right now.

I plan on drinking large amounts of red wine or beer or tequila, eating as much leftovers as humanely possible and wallowing in my own self pity for a grand total of 48 hours and then I will get over it and move on to the next year.

So yes as much as I love and adore Christmas and all it brings being single drives that wedge of hate into my mindset and it is wedged in there good and proper !


26 11 2008

My best friend and the person who knows me best just shared a quote from Bob Marley and now I am totally and utterly stealing it because it is likely one of the truest and most heart wrenching and warming things I have read all wrapped up into one. Read it . Learn from it. Believe it,

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” -Bob Marley

There is Nothing More I Dislike then Being Ignored

26 11 2008

Seriously nothing pisses me off more then being ignored, not spoken to, not responded to or the silent treatment !

It honestly rattles my cage something chronic ! I am a communicator I need that form of communication and so when someone and others do not do the common act of communicating back then I get irritated to the max level.

I have no idea why it is like this with me but it is. I am pretty good at keeping my emotions and feelings and anger in check in almost all situations but when it comes to this little tiny issue I struggle not to scream about it.

I just have this belief that if someone makes the effort to speak to you then you simply make that effort back. I also believe that if you cannot be bothered to make that effort then you are way less a person for it. I know friends say to me if someone is that ignorant or rude then they are not worth your time anger or effort. That they are not worthy enough to know me as a person…but I cannot help it it gets my goat dammit.

So in the future people take the tip from me : If someone makes the effort to speak, email, text, call or write you a letter even make the effort to respond back its not hard and is just simple common manners dammit

People I Admire

26 11 2008

There are 2 blogs I read with alarming regularity right now. They are both women who give me such a sense of hope and happiness when I read what they write. So I came to the line of thought that I need to give these two women a big shout out and explain why I love their blogs so damn much


 The first one is Kristen over at Our Army Life. This is a a blog I found actually via the secret Ornament swap abbilyeverafterputs on at xmas each year. Kristen is the wife of Zach and he has just begun his basic training in the US army this month. She has kindly decided to share her fears hopes and feelings on her blog about his absence in her life, her longing to have him back and her life and love for him. I really love going over to her little corner of the net and reading about her letters she sends to Zach and the letters and phone calls he sends and makes to her. Her story gives me hope that yes in fact through it all love truly does make a vast difference in ones life. Go over and show her your support and give her the encouragement she needs…Zach is back home from training in less then a month for the holidays and you can literally feel her vibrate with excitement at the thought through the Internet …its sweet lol

The second one is a wow blog. This is a love story and a half. This is a story that had me in tears when I read through it from start to finish . It is Stephanie over at The Road Less Travelled. Stephanie and her husband Sidnei have been through the mill and back again. Their love has been tested in such a way that others cannot even begin to imagine or wish upon another. The story is long and all I can say is go over there and read it from start to finish to get the full blown scope of what has happened to them. The basics is that Sidnei is from Brazil , they were married and went away on honeymoon. Upon returning from the honeymoon Sidnei was detained for not having a passport or paper work basically to get back into the US. Stephanie had to heartbreakingly leave her husband in jail in peurto rico and fly back to the states. The kicker to all this ….is he is still in that jail and has been there since March people. While he sits in Jail she fights with the powers that are immigration to get her husband back to her and her home and her heart.

Please go over and offer her nothing but support and encouragement. She is one of those rare people that shows you true love exists that your heart is what drives you froward each and every single day

So those are my 2 blogs of note right now. They are the ones I read to remind myself that life is not that bad, they remind me love does happen and it is so very important to a persons well being and state of mind

What Do You Fear Most ?

25 11 2008

Its a question I think everyone has asked someone and more importantly a question everyone has asked themselves and possibly on a regular basis as well.

As to what I fear most …it boils down to two things. Firstly being alone for the rest of my life. I think this is one of my greatest fears. I fear never being able to share my life and my heart with someone and that is a terrifying prospect. I cannot quell that fear of loneliness it is a seemingly impossible task and so I fear it most really. I do not handle life alone well. i tend to become hermit like in character and even tend to get depressed about it. Which is something totally against the grain with me as a person as I am not a depressive and I am not a woo is me style of person.

I also fear most not being happy. All I really want out of life if boiled down to the simple bare facts is simple happiness. I cannot imagine a life without happiness. I cannot imagine a life without laughter and love and even tears of both joy and sadness as well. Happiness is something I crave like a heroin addict craves the next hit I crave endless happiness.

I will be perfectly blunt as this is what my site is about, its about my feelings my mindset and my life. What I will be blunt about is that of late I have felt the concept of happiness slipping out of my grasp and the idea of being alone overpowering. I need to figure out a way to reverse this current trend but I simply have no idea how to and frankly I am not sure I have the fight in me to stop the trend.

I am tired and yes maybe ever so slightly mildly depressed. I am not at the “world needs to end” stage lol I am just at the ” OMG what and where am I going wrong” stage.

All I know is those are my two greatest fears and they are both fears I believe that are completely within my power and my control to keep at bay. They are fears I would like to believe are normal and the average person feels as well

But all the same they are fears that drive me to tears to even think about …..

Another 101 Explination

24 11 2008

Ok yet more explanations on my 101 list and the reasoning’s behind them 🙂


77. I have been cheated on horribly …yeah this 101 entry sucks

So yep I am one of the millions of people who has been cheated on. What I like to think is different about me is I do not and never have let it effect me in the way I am in relationships and towards guys. I have no major trust issues or baggage due to it. As for the cheating itself ….she was a leggy blonde and was not nearly as good a person as me …last I heard he was still with her supporting her and her child …sucker lol

96. I am the worlds Problem Solver

I really am you know. If someone needs something sorted out or a objective viewpoint then I am your go to lady. I may not be able to solve my own problems but damn I can solve other peoples problems for them or help them find that answer they need. It appears it is built into me to want to help to make things better for another person. It seems as though I cannot let people suffer with the agony of solving a issue or a problem. I am good at it plain and simple really.

98. I am a political Junkie

Seriously I really am. I cannot get enough of world politics. I put this obsession solely on the shoulders of my parents and my little sister who took political sciences and has a kick ass job. I cannot abide people who do not make themselves aware of world politics to me that is simply putting your head int he sand and ignoring what is going on around you. I could never date someone who is not at least a tiny little bit politically aware just a little so at least I can hold a conversation with them