That Void Only a Dad Can Fill

30 08 2017

Today is a bit of a somber one but also one of reflection and great memories. See today is the day that I have spent a equal part of my life with and without my dad. 19 years ago Dad final had ” the big one” as my mother so affectionately called heart attacks ha ha.

So as kids we grew up basically knowing Dad was going to die. Blunt I know but the truth. He had heart disease and was on the heart transplant list ( clearly did not get the heart ! ) Rather then shelter us from death, the realities of death and all the nuances that come with it , our parents had us face it head on. It was done with humour and in a pragmatic way. The humor part might be lost on some but to us it worked. Such threats like “If you do not clean your room your dad will have the big one and then you will really regret it” ( it worked for the first few years but soon lost its ability to get us to clean our rooms ). We were raised not to fear death but to accept it and we really did accept it.

What also came with this is the best role model of a relationship out there , my Mum basically married my Dad knowing most Taylor men die fast and young due to congestive heart failure. It was love pure love. Do not get me wrong he drove her bloody crazy and when they fought, wow they fought, however they always came back together and the forever loved one another .

There are so many stories I could tell about John Taylor and so many adventures to recount to many in fact but the fact that there are that many means he is forever there always over our shoulders, always watching out for us and frankly cringing at some of the stupid shit we have done .

He is my role model of what a Dad should be , the goal I strive for in a relationship and in his general humanity. For all his gruffness, John Taylor was a compassionate caring man and that emulates in his children now ,

His son is now a father and I see so much of my Dad shining through in George and I know Claire has the best Dad because of our Dad, and I know Claire will know her Grandad John because of how she is being raised and loved.

So I would like to think that he would be proud and content in how his children have turned out and tackled life. I would like to think he would be forgiving and understanding of our mistakes and stupid moments in life. But most of all I would like to think he knows how much he is missed and loved forever and always.


Love you and miss you Dad xoxo


The Adventures of Dating in Your 30″s …. The Struggle Is Real People

29 08 2017

Last night I was lying in bed and thinking what will be my first full blown post back into the blog world. It was a tough choice ! Do I write about my family and all their craziness over the last 8 years ? Always going to be a entertaining read. Do I write about my health and the frankly terrifying month of April when I lost all the vision in my right eye and had determined I had a good run and Trevor the Tumour was ” ending” me . But no I determined the first post absolutely has to be about my dating and relationship adventures and mishaps over the last 8 years. I am not sure I can account for all experiences as I am pretty sure I have permanently blocked some from my memory ha !

As stated in my come back post prior to this one I am in fact single however I am happily single for the most part ( humans by nature need companionship and so that will forever be a void when a person is single ) . I however have dated .. a lot and oh the land mines I have dodged and the gold dust ones that have slipped through my fingers.

So turns out dating in your mid 30’s is a whole different ball game compared to the wild time of your 20’s ! First of all the selection of men has changed from clueless sometime pretty boys to older , not so clueless and well not as pretty ( read dad bodies lol which for the record I like ! way easier to deal with then a washboard stomach mirror loving preening fool lol ! ) Also way more married men out there playing the field ( judge if you want it is not me perusing them but quite the opposite and look its not like I am looking for a meaningful relationship with that type of guy , the are more like ” fillers” until something real comes along. I am not so delusional to think they will leave the wife and start up with me .That never happens ladies ! )

There are a lot more single dads out there which is both a blessing and a curse , The blessing being these men do not demand all your attention all the time because their little ankle bitters have soccer practice, Hockey practice and generally a crazy ex wife to contend with which means more time to yourself. The downside is more time to yourself sometimes, You will always be second in line and if you cannot handle that I highly recommend all you woman in my age group dating to avoid the single dads . If you cannot handle being second or by yourself every second weekend then it is not the style of dating life for you. For me it works 100% because I do like to be alone , I do like to have my bed and my home to myself, and god dammit I want to get drunk once and while without worrying what I may look like or behave like around him ha !

Here is the list of my dating adventures over the last few years :

  • The pass the check guy ( such a winner in life ). I was asked out on a date by a guy who owned a tech company. So he picked a really nice place downtown , I got dressed up , looked good and my A game was on point. So we have the date , he appears interested conversation is flowing somewhat decently but there is no massive spark. I believe spark is a bit of a myth that it is something the develops nine times out of ten. Well night ends , he asks the waiter for the check and then it gets odd…. He opens the book holding the bill looks at it, reaches for his wallet looks in wallet and then closes the wallet?? and then …… very smoothly slides the bill to me?! I was speechless utterly lost for words. Now I do NOT ever expect a guy to automatically pay for dinner ever normally when they go to pay I offer to pay as well and if they refuse then I always say I want to cover the tip to the server or if it was a awesome date I say next one is on me ! This guy did not even flinch held eye contact with me and slid that bill over like a pro. I paid , downed by drink got up and walked my ass on out of there.
  •   Next was Steve, oh Steve , we dated for about 9 months. I did not think it was possible to find someone more blunt or potentially louder then me . Turns out it is . The adventures of dating Steve were many and varied ranging from friends having to rescue his drunk ass from the cubicles at On The Rocks bar after drinking so much booze he got trapped in the cubicle to him trying to get busy with me all while wearing a sleep apnea mask …yep I effectively had sex with Darth Vadar . I will never live that one down ever, it is a constant source of entertainment for my friends to this day.
  • Ginger Tim . I do not need to say anything more then Ginger , and I will never date a ginger again.
  • Simon . The one that was eluded to in my previous post and my broken heart. Irish tall , handsome, smart and funny. Fell hard and fast down that rabbit hole and can say that break up broke me and I am still reeling from it and repairing from it. He is very happily married now !! to a really lovely girl and I can only hope them nothing but pure joy and happiness , That is my most genuine statement I can make in regards to them.
  • Mike . Another name I likely will never date, that would  be the one that I dated for 10 months only to find out he in fact was dating another woman as well ! Such a charmer !! My lovely best friend Jessica went into full blown inspector clouseau for me as any solid bestie would ( she also threatened to do some harm if required which makes her more epic ) Anyway it all came to a end on the morning of Christmas day ! MERRY CHRISTMAS LOUISA !! yeah that one was a douche,

There are many other brief encounters and I am sure I will write about them at some point but those are the current stand outs in my dating life.

Yes I am actively out there looking however I am not desperately looking ( no one likes a crazy loud desperate girl people ! ) I am happy with the odd bit of companionship to be honest and that will do me.

I am never and will never be closed to the possibilities of love however my life no longer revolves around the endless pursuit of it


I’m Back ……

28 08 2017

Well hey hey hey blogging world ! Miss me ?? Come on you know you did! Its been far far to long.

Recently someone who read my blog suggested that I should rev this thing back up and get writing again . I at first thought ” oh hell to the no I am not putting my self out there as much as I did previously ” but then the thought would not leave my god damn brain !

So here I am back read to throw it all out there again for all to see, judge, laugh maybe take some solace in it.

Hmm lets see …it has been 8 years since my last entry , What could possibly have happened in 8 years you ask ?! … well

  • bought a condo and sold the condo
  • bought a house and still in the house, it is my sanctuary and the place I like to get day drunk in on occasion
  • I have not one but 2 dogs, equally as ugly as one another one being much smarter then the other
  • I have a beautiful horse who I compete with but more importantly who I find my calm and peace with. She is where I laugh hardest and also cry the hardest, that big ol neck has soaked up almost all my tears.
  • I am …single…yes still frigging single .
  • I met the love of my life 2 years ago , it ended my heart shattered into a million shards and I think only 500,000 of those shards have gone back into place. I never believed people when they say hearts break. mine did in the worst way
  • I actually LOVE ! being single I think with age and maturity I have learnt to embrace the solitude and I run my own game and it is kind of awesome frankly !
  • I have dated and continue to date. I refuse to settle for the next best thing and would rather date find the odd moment of companionship and then move along until that right moment occurs … or doesn’t and if it doesn’t oh well !
  • I am a Aunt !! I still have a strong aversion to children however baby Claire stole my heart and to be honest of those millions of pieces it was broken into she probably repaired 250,000 of them , She is perfection.
  • I have a career. That’s all I can really say on that front. Change is a foot and in this day and age of social media and the internet I will not be saying much more on that just yet.
  • I am still a complete gym freak. However my goals and bench marks have changed as I have aged, I have finally learnt to love myself for myself. Look I am not skinny I am never going to be skinny and fuck I never want to be skinny people ! what I am is a hot god damn woman who is comfortable in her skin , adores lifting weights and says ” hey call me fat … its a word…its really not that scary assholes” so yeah I work out … a lot … like 6 days a week lol
  • I had a major health scare this spring which resulted in me being diagnosed with MS (* pre MS I have to have another attack occur before its a fullblown thing ) look yes MS is scary as fuck but at the time all the symptoms presented as a tumour , I even named him trevor and I was ready to throw a party for him . No tumour just MS , I can live and function with MS. its all good in my books.
  • I still swear . A lot. Deal with it.
  • I have a close knit tight group of friends who have lifted me up at my utter worsts and have given me laughs and adventures that are simply put amazing !
  • I am still in Edmonton Alberta, I do not intend on staying here , the west coast calls my soul and I belong there.
  • My family is still crazy and off the wall and maddening and perfect all at once.

So that’s life right now folks, 38 still single however not a crazy cat lady and able to pull some pretty decent dates with some pretty decent men ( although there have been some duds lol trust me you will hear about them I am sure ! )

It feels good to write again and let the words flow out, I have missed it