My current frame of mind all wrapped up in One Song …

25 02 2009

I can attempt to explain my current frame of mind but to be frank and rather honest it is a somewhat hard task !! All I can say is I am in a never ending feeling of chasing my own tail and sometimes it is fine and no big deal but sometimes …sometimes it is the most depressing and lonely feeling ……..

p.s I also happen to adore this song and the singer …on repeat on my ipod , deep voice, soulful and as I like to say it an old soul


Body Talk …Freaky Shit People

2 02 2009

Last month I tried something that can best be described  as “out of my comfort zone” , I am never good out of my comfort zone and a sense of panic generally sets in rather quickly, but I did this thing anyway

 At my stables a lot of people have had this thing called Body Talk done to their horses. Its kinda hard to explain but I will try. Basically a person who practices body talk literally talks to your body, best way to describe it is your full of circuit breakers and some of those breakers are flipped to the off position, the person basically flips them to on to help you work better or your animal.

So I thought ” eh what the hell go for it , whats the harm”

It was interesting and a little freaky to say the least. I will tell you about Sonnet first and what was said regarding her. Basically my horse is slightly panic and anxiety filled and due to the fact that I am the same way we literally feed off one anther’s fears effectively making for one big ball of nerves stress and fear. She “balanced” Sonnet’s earth which is where her panic center is located. She also did Raki on both Sonnet and myself. Sonnet has had a sore back for a while partly due to saddle issues. However the lady said also sonnet was sucking in or tucking up her stomach muscles when I was riding her and the reason she was doing it was because of me. Why me you ask? well the lady said due to the fact that I have no feeling in my middle section of my body ( from the plastic surgery) I could not feel sonnet fully moving and so sonnet was compensating and trying to help me ….the women had no idea I had no feeling there …at that point I heard the X files theme song ! lol lol

All in all it was a good experince I did see a marked difference in Sonnet when I rode her the next time after the body talk session and so I am doing another one on Wednesday to see what comes out of it.

On another note she did do some body talk on myself as well and well best way to put it is that it was emotional and a little scary for me.

The non scary bit that was noted was that my lymphatic system was out of whack and that she had balanced that out. She said not something to freak out about but to keep a eye on.

Now the emotional scary bit…..the first thing she said to me was that I had self worth issues and that I see myself as nothing. My initial reaction was shock and anger for about 5 seconds …my second reaction was tears and the acknowledgement that she was completely right and yes I do indeed have these self worth issues. I cannot honestly tell you why that is and I know there is no reason for it. I have a great life, a incredible job, a amazing family. I like to think of myself as a decent looking women who looks after herself. I like to think that I am a great person that is driven and loving and kind . Yet I do in fact have those self worth issues and when she said that it hit just a little to close to home a little to hard , tears welled up in my eyes as I came to the realization that I need to some how repair that broken part of me , I honestly have no idea how I plan on doing that but god I soooo am making the effort to fix it

So all in all it was a eye opening tear wrenching experince and one I am putting myself through again on Wednesday

My Writing Groove is Back Baby !

2 02 2009

Much apologies for my recent lack of writing. I was in the middle of a much needed break from anything blog related. I have had a few things in the pipeline and so had to deal with them before I could do this one properly …but I am back and I am back with a vengance . Loads of entries on the way on topics like :

New Year means a New Home

Boys boys and boys …the sheer heart break and stupidity of it all !

Travel and my itchy feet

Ohhhhh a little thing called Body talk that I had done on my horse and turns out I may have needed it more then her

And the ever present weight and workout battle ! oh the pain


I am back people …sorry !

The New Year …The New Me ….Maybe ….

29 12 2008

 I have never been the person that makes new year resolutions simply because I believe if you make that resolution you are destined to fail…may sound negative but I think it is logical thinking.

But what I make sure I do at new years is set myself goals or set myself parameters that I need to stay in or need to reach. This year is no different and I have set some big ones and a few little ones as well.

 Firstly in past years I have said I hop enot to be single, or I will try not to be single. Yeah totally not saying that this year. This year I am saying I WILL NOT BE SINGLE. I have no desire to be single, it is not a great life and people that say it is are jaded and lying to themselves. There is nothing better then sharing yourself with someone or having that someone there for you and you there for them. So this year I will not be single Internet.

 Secondly I am weeding my friends, I am distancing myself from the ones that clearly are not as good a friend as I may have thought and getting rid of the toxic ones. I will pull the incredible ones even closer and keep them that way. I will not be lied to or hurt this year and I will not be made a fool of. A true friend does not lie white lie or make another person feel less of a friend. So this year is a weeding year

As for the little things. I plan on laughing at myself more, I plan on taking more time to appreciate the things I do have in my life. I plan on doing this insane rowing training and surviving it lol lol !!!

I plan on showing Sonnet as much as possible throughout the summer.

But mostly I plan on having fun and realizing I am pretty lucky . That I have a incredible life and a amazing family. I will remind myself there are others that would envy my life and so not to take it for granted

Christmas at the Taylors…Never a Dull Affair

28 12 2008

Well we do not do things b0y half measure in this family and so if we do Christmas we do it with style and drama !

It all started with Christmas Eve morning ….7:30 am. I get a phone call from mum who had left 15 minutes earlier saying ” the good news is I am ok Louisa, bad news is Subbie the subaru is totalled” She had been crossing the highway to get to the other highway. She did not see the beast of a GMC truck coming at her at a incredible 110km and hour….Tboned her passenger side, destroying her car in the process. The guy who stopped and saw it all said he was terrified to get out of his car and go to mum’s thinking it would be the scene of a horror movie….she was fine. She got out of the car herself, she had a bruised right side and a small cut on her hand.

When I pulled up to the scene and saw her car I was in tears, absolute tears …In my mind there was no way she was ok looking at the wreckage of her car. The police were there already and the lovely man who helped mum guided me to his car where she was trying to get warm…and she was fine. I am not one to wax lyrical about acts of god or fate or chance it is simply not my style, but in this case it was incredible that she was alive. I can safely say it was one of the scariest moments of my life and most terrifying. I kept thinking what could have happened, how would I have had to tell my sister and brother the worst news possible….But thankfully I did not have to and she is totally fine ( and currently in Europe preparing to ski in France …more about that to come lol )

Christmas day its self was lovely kinda quiet and strange not having my little sister here with us. But it was wicked either way. The presents were AMAZING!! My mum got me a coach hand bag and my life was complete at that moment ha ha ha !!! Mum loved her Mitre Saw…yes that is what we got her and she loves that thing …she is odd and even a collision accident has not cured that strangeness in her ha ha

Boxing day ….yet more drama. George and Mum were due to fly to calgary to catch their flight to London at 1pm. When we looked online loads of Calgary flights were delayed …this was to much of a risk to take and miss their connector to Heathrow. We tried to rent a car for them …no go. So eventually we got them on the bus to Calgary at noon. So00 after much flapping running around and tension Andrea ( Georges uber amazing girlfriend) and I waved them off and promptly hit starbucks then shopped our asses off.

So there is the holidays so far. I am now in the house in silence everyone has left. It is both nice in one respect and a little sad in another.I feel a bit at a lose as to what to do with myself with everyone gone for 4 weeks but it is also nice to just relax ………

The long Needed Writing break is over …I am back baby !

28 12 2008

So I took a long needed writing break over the holidays and really happy I did it because my writing mojo is back people!

So there will be a few post on the way. I needed the break life has been a little like being in a blender on ice crusher mode and so writing took a slight back burner. Between work, riding, rowing training and everything in between I just had a mental block writing wise plus I was so god damn tired by the end of each day I was unable to type lol

So here comes the new entries guys !!

Have You Ever….

10 11 2008

Have you ever liked someone and saw something potentially good possibly happening only to not have it happen ?

Have you ever kicked yourself in the ass for possibly screwing something up that had the potential of being something good further down the road ?

Have you ever liked someone but completely unsure how to judge them or their likes and dislikes of you ?

Have you ever been rejected for odd or unexplainable reasons?

Have you ever thought ” where did I go wrong” or “what did I do wrong” ?

well I have and it bugs me imensely. I am not someone to dwell on something all that often but when it is something that I thought was cool or good and I so apperantely misjudged it then I do dwell on it. I then over analyze it and try and pick it apart until I can either figure out a solution, learn from it or