The Adventures of Dating in Your 30″s …. The Struggle Is Real People

29 08 2017

Last night I was lying in bed and thinking what will be my first full blown post back into the blog world. It was a tough choice ! Do I write about my family and all their craziness over the last 8 years ? Always going to be a entertaining read. Do I write about my health and the frankly terrifying month of April when I lost all the vision in my right eye and had determined I had a good run and Trevor the Tumour was ” ending” me . But no I determined the first post absolutely has to be about my dating and relationship adventures and mishaps over the last 8 years. I am not sure I can account for all experiences as I am pretty sure I have permanently blocked some from my memory ha !

As stated in my come back post prior to this one I am in fact single however I am happily single for the most part ( humans by nature need companionship and so that will forever be a void when a person is single ) . I however have dated .. a lot and oh the land mines I have dodged and the gold dust ones that have slipped through my fingers.

So turns out dating in your mid 30’s is a whole different ball game compared to the wild time of your 20’s ! First of all the selection of men has changed from clueless sometime pretty boys to older , not so clueless and well not as pretty ( read dad bodies lol which for the record I like ! way easier to deal with then a washboard stomach mirror loving preening fool lol ! ) Also way more married men out there playing the field ( judge if you want it is not me perusing them but quite the opposite and look its not like I am looking for a meaningful relationship with that type of guy , the are more like ” fillers” until something real comes along. I am not so delusional to think they will leave the wife and start up with me .That never happens ladies ! )

There are a lot more single dads out there which is both a blessing and a curse , The blessing being these men do not demand all your attention all the time because their little ankle bitters have soccer practice, Hockey practice and generally a crazy ex wife to contend with which means more time to yourself. The downside is more time to yourself sometimes, You will always be second in line and if you cannot handle that I highly recommend all you woman in my age group dating to avoid the single dads . If you cannot handle being second or by yourself every second weekend then it is not the style of dating life for you. For me it works 100% because I do like to be alone , I do like to have my bed and my home to myself, and god dammit I want to get drunk once and while without worrying what I may look like or behave like around him ha !

Here is the list of my dating adventures over the last few years :

  • The pass the check guy ( such a winner in life ). I was asked out on a date by a guy who owned a tech company. So he picked a really nice place downtown , I got dressed up , looked good and my A game was on point. So we have the date , he appears interested conversation is flowing somewhat decently but there is no massive spark. I believe spark is a bit of a myth that it is something the develops nine times out of ten. Well night ends , he asks the waiter for the check and then it gets odd…. He opens the book holding the bill looks at it, reaches for his wallet looks in wallet and then closes the wallet?? and then …… very smoothly slides the bill to me?! I was speechless utterly lost for words. Now I do NOT ever expect a guy to automatically pay for dinner ever normally when they go to pay I offer to pay as well and if they refuse then I always say I want to cover the tip to the server or if it was a awesome date I say next one is on me ! This guy did not even flinch held eye contact with me and slid that bill over like a pro. I paid , downed by drink got up and walked my ass on out of there.
  •   Next was Steve, oh Steve , we dated for about 9 months. I did not think it was possible to find someone more blunt or potentially louder then me . Turns out it is . The adventures of dating Steve were many and varied ranging from friends having to rescue his drunk ass from the cubicles at On The Rocks bar after drinking so much booze he got trapped in the cubicle to him trying to get busy with me all while wearing a sleep apnea mask …yep I effectively had sex with Darth Vadar . I will never live that one down ever, it is a constant source of entertainment for my friends to this day.
  • Ginger Tim . I do not need to say anything more then Ginger , and I will never date a ginger again.
  • Simon . The one that was eluded to in my previous post and my broken heart. Irish tall , handsome, smart and funny. Fell hard and fast down that rabbit hole and can say that break up broke me and I am still reeling from it and repairing from it. He is very happily married now !! to a really lovely girl and I can only hope them nothing but pure joy and happiness , That is my most genuine statement I can make in regards to them.
  • Mike . Another name I likely will never date, that would  be the one that I dated for 10 months only to find out he in fact was dating another woman as well ! Such a charmer !! My lovely best friend Jessica went into full blown inspector clouseau for me as any solid bestie would ( she also threatened to do some harm if required which makes her more epic ) Anyway it all came to a end on the morning of Christmas day ! MERRY CHRISTMAS LOUISA !! yeah that one was a douche,

There are many other brief encounters and I am sure I will write about them at some point but those are the current stand outs in my dating life.

Yes I am actively out there looking however I am not desperately looking ( no one likes a crazy loud desperate girl people ! ) I am happy with the odd bit of companionship to be honest and that will do me.

I am never and will never be closed to the possibilities of love however my life no longer revolves around the endless pursuit of it

 

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I’m Back ……

28 08 2017

Well hey hey hey blogging world ! Miss me ?? Come on you know you did! Its been far far to long.

Recently someone who read my blog suggested that I should rev this thing back up and get writing again . I at first thought ” oh hell to the no I am not putting my self out there as much as I did previously ” but then the thought would not leave my god damn brain !

So here I am back read to throw it all out there again for all to see, judge, laugh maybe take some solace in it.

Hmm lets see …it has been 8 years since my last entry , What could possibly have happened in 8 years you ask ?! … well

  • bought a condo and sold the condo
  • bought a house and still in the house, it is my sanctuary and the place I like to get day drunk in on occasion
  • I have not one but 2 dogs, equally as ugly as one another one being much smarter then the other
  • I have a beautiful horse who I compete with but more importantly who I find my calm and peace with. She is where I laugh hardest and also cry the hardest, that big ol neck has soaked up almost all my tears.
  • I am …single…yes still frigging single .
  • I met the love of my life 2 years ago , it ended my heart shattered into a million shards and I think only 500,000 of those shards have gone back into place. I never believed people when they say hearts break. mine did in the worst way
  • I actually LOVE ! being single I think with age and maturity I have learnt to embrace the solitude and I run my own game and it is kind of awesome frankly !
  • I have dated and continue to date. I refuse to settle for the next best thing and would rather date find the odd moment of companionship and then move along until that right moment occurs … or doesn’t and if it doesn’t oh well !
  • I am a Aunt !! I still have a strong aversion to children however baby Claire stole my heart and to be honest of those millions of pieces it was broken into she probably repaired 250,000 of them , She is perfection.
  • I have a career. That’s all I can really say on that front. Change is a foot and in this day and age of social media and the internet I will not be saying much more on that just yet.
  • I am still a complete gym freak. However my goals and bench marks have changed as I have aged, I have finally learnt to love myself for myself. Look I am not skinny I am never going to be skinny and fuck I never want to be skinny people ! what I am is a hot god damn woman who is comfortable in her skin , adores lifting weights and says ” hey call me fat … its a word…its really not that scary assholes” so yeah I work out … a lot … like 6 days a week lol
  • I had a major health scare this spring which resulted in me being diagnosed with MS (* pre MS I have to have another attack occur before its a fullblown thing ) look yes MS is scary as fuck but at the time all the symptoms presented as a tumour , I even named him trevor and I was ready to throw a party for him . No tumour just MS , I can live and function with MS. its all good in my books.
  • I still swear . A lot. Deal with it.
  • I have a close knit tight group of friends who have lifted me up at my utter worsts and have given me laughs and adventures that are simply put amazing !
  • I am still in Edmonton Alberta, I do not intend on staying here , the west coast calls my soul and I belong there.
  • My family is still crazy and off the wall and maddening and perfect all at once.

So that’s life right now folks, 38 still single however not a crazy cat lady and able to pull some pretty decent dates with some pretty decent men ( although there have been some duds lol trust me you will hear about them I am sure ! )

It feels good to write again and let the words flow out, I have missed it





When All Else Fails

26 02 2009

 I am asked on almost a daily basis by various people,friends and acquaintances why I ride and why it is such a big deal to me. Trying to answer that is like trying to explain the big bang theory to a cat people ..But I will attempt to help you understand the reasoning.

 Now this is not a “wooo is me post” or even a self pitying post but it is a “lay my heart bare” post …so deal with it dammit

 I am 30 years old, I started my life from scratch for the second time in less then a decade when I moved back to Canada from the UK. I do not think you can begin to grasp the magnitude of that action and those decisions. I loved my life in the UK but my link was missing and that was my family and Canada ultimately. So I made the decision to move back here …was it the right decision …most definitely was it a good decision ….I am still not sure. I miss so much over there on a daily basis.

 I am 30 years old and I have been single for what feels like a eternity. I feel like a hamster stuck in the wheel and for love nor money I cannot get out of that damn wheel ! I am at my best or prime when I am in a relationship as I think most human beings are actually. Those people that tell you that the single life rocks …yeah completely talking out of their asses it so does not rock

 So to replace that empty and yep lonely and tear jerking feeling …I ride and I ride with passion and with zest and with love. I ride to feel free and to feel compassionate. I ride to learn to trust myself and my life in another beings hands ( or hooves ). I ride to be honest about my abilities and what I can achieve. Riding is my passion and it is my sport …its also the thing that terrifies me the most. I have this fear tat if I fail at riding , the thing I love most in the world, then I am destined to fail at all other events in my life.

So riding is kinda like my addiction! I get a actual buzz off it when I manage to do something well with Sonnet and do it really well. I get such a overwhelming sense of achievement when it all clicks together like a puzzle.

So when all else fails no matter how lonely I am or how sad I feel or angry and letdown I know I can go to that horse tack her up get on and it will no longer matter. I know that she has the ability to teach  me to trust myself and others. I know that she trust me when I trust her. So even if I am eternally single it will not matter really …I have a horse who has taught me more about myself in the last 12 months then in the last 30 years.

Sure a actual human being would be great for a relationship but the horse is a great stand in for now lol

So Sonnet is my stand in relationship ….and she does a damn fine job people

those-eyes

sonnet-last-spring





Insync With the Opposite Sex

4 02 2009

 Recently I have started re evaluating my dating life. I think every women does this and every women does it with a purpose or a intent to better themselves or to better their dating life.

I find dating one of the most taxing hard things to do. I mean think about it! You spend x amount of time “vetting” a potential date you go through the motions of making sure they are firstly not a player perv or serial dater . You go through the motions of what basically amounts to a interview. You are effectively interviewing a potential guy or girl to figure out if they match or tick off the criteria you require as a person to be able to fully enjoy them and the date.

Once you go through that little and some what daunting process you finally make that leap of faith that moment where you say ” hell yes I am ready to open up to you and go for this date and I am all yours for the next hour 2 hours day or whatever” Its hard work people you have no idea. I always find people that are in a committed relationship or married rather smug when they speak to a single person. It is as if they have forgotten how taxing a single life and the never ending search really is.

I can actually count in the last 3 months on my one hand ( not both ) the amount of dates that I have thoroughly enjoyed and then those dates never follow through. Like any normal human and any women I then try and figure out where “I” went wrong ?? Then it hit me recently …I am not going wrong it has nothing to do with me it has everything to do with them. It is like false advertising and then projecting there issues onto the person they went on a date with. I came to the realization that I am nothing but open and honest and forthright about the entire situation and about myself….major break through for me. It was a break through that basically was along the lines of “fuck you I am good I am a great catch and I know what I want and if you are so shallow or cruel to not follow through then it is your loss not mine now move on” HUGE BREAK THROUGH.

Then something funny happened this week. My trainer at the barn gave me this CD called “Insync with the opposite sex” Now I am nto a self help person never have been I march to my own drum. But this CD has been a utter eye opener for me and I have already given it to one girlfriend with others lined up and I have a few men in mind who seriously need to get this and listen to this asap for their own good and sanity !!

 It basically tells you men are hunters women are gathers. Men have single purpose drives and women are all over the damn place. Some how you have to meet in the middle. It says women need to realize that when a guy is being open or honest …that’s really hard for them to do !!

I had a situation recently where a guy was honest with me brutally so. My initially reaction was to recoil back put up the defence walls and basically in my mind kick the shit out of him for said honesty. But then after I started thinking about it and after listening to this cd I completely realized that was really difficult for him to do. He laid it out on the table he said what was going on and he took a chance. Do I regret the way I initially reacted yeah maybe a little, have I tried to correct those actions and rectify it yep and time will tell. But the point is I realized suddenly with a moment of clarity that I got exactly what I always say I want , honesty, and I had no idea what to do with it ! It had never happened to me before. It was foreign territory lol !

So yes dating is hard and yes you get knocked back but if you open your ears and you open your eyes to the possibilities of something unreal then lif may just get a little easier for you





The Joys of Dating …NOT ! lol

2 02 2009

 Well you all know my single life has consisted of a series of dates to try and find that “one” …Do I believe there is one person out there …no not at all. I believe you go through a series of events in your life that a person fits into and fits into well. Some people are lucky enough to find that puzzle piece of a guy that fits into every event in your life. I unfortunately have not been that lucky and have has various puzzle pieces for each major milestone in my life.

I had the guy that I fell in love with when I moved to the UK. He helped me settle he helped me realise I could do things without my family as my constant pillars and pick me uppers.

I had the guy in the middle of my life in the UK who made me realise I am desired and could be chased by a guy lol. HE was also my first true serious fall madly in love and he was also the first guy to utterly and completely crush and destroy my heart and my soul. I have never felt such despair as I did due to his lack of thought and cruelty.

So I came back to Canada for the next phase of my life and have been single since then ….over 2 years very very long years.

I have dated here and I have met some cool guys but what I have not done is found that guy who made me feel that butterfly thing in the pit of your stomach. I have not met that guy that I am comfortable with and can be myself with . Until recently that is lol ( that is a completely different blog entry and I will write about it soon once I get it all through my head and figure out what the fuck happened …trust me it is a doozer its like something out of sex and the city!! lol )

 Is it so hard to find that person that is your puzzle piece? should it be hard work or do you follow the eternally irritating advice of ” It will happen when you least expect it ?”

I read a article in a British magazine recently that hit a little to close to home for my liking. Basically a women who was in her early 40’w talked about how due to her own pickiness and high standards ( too high ) she had managed to keep herself single for over 10 years. That she had the list of requirements and if a guy did not tick even one item on the list but ticked all the rest she did not date them. She eventually did meet someone and married him and the kicker is she actually dated him a few years back and because he did not tick boxes she discounted him as the right one !!!

I am sooo fearful I have done that. That out of the guys I have dated in the last 2 and a half years from the very first to the most recent guy I have let the one slip through my fingers. I am scared I have not fought for what I should have fought for and that I took the easy route and just backed down and chalked it up to a bad experience and a bad judgement call

 Dating is not fun people , there is nothing fun about it. I am not a serial dater and fear being labeled that but I am also very clear on what I want and what will work for me …Dating is a full time job guys





Its A Love Hate Thing

27 11 2008

Christmas….Love it and hate it …feel bad for saying that but it is completely true!

Anyone who knows me knows I get overly excited for Christmas. I love the time off I adore spending time with my family and absolutely love giving gifts to my friends and family. I do love Christmas I really do but there is a big part of me that is ever increasingly hating it 😦

I hate being single around Christmas I really do. I want to be able to wake up next to someone that morning and watch them open the gifts I spent time and put thought into. I want spend the day with them and just chill like you do one Christmas day. But it is not just the day I hate its the whole season.

 I have refused to go to the company party this year because going last year single was not a good experience and was rather depressing. So on company Christmas party day I shall be at the stables Ipod firmly rammed into my ears as I ride my horse and attempt to not feel pathetic lol

 The season is hard really when you think about it. You see couples shopping together, you see them getting out of taxis on their way to various functions and parties and you cannot help but feel ever so lonely and somewhat unloved…yes that is depressing but its my blog so suck it up lol

Even worse this year is that my family is all flying off to Europe on boxing day for 4 weeks leaving myself 1 dog and 3 cats alone in the house ….oh the joy. Not only alone but alone with huge amounts of left overs and decorations to take down. Do not get me wrong I am very pleased they are all going and I really hope they have a brilliant time but in the same breath I am kind of sad at the thought of it all really. Can’t help it just seems to be my state of mind right now.

I plan on drinking large amounts of red wine or beer or tequila, eating as much leftovers as humanely possible and wallowing in my own self pity for a grand total of 48 hours and then I will get over it and move on to the next year.

So yes as much as I love and adore Christmas and all it brings being single drives that wedge of hate into my mindset and it is wedged in there good and proper !





Perfection

26 11 2008

My best friend and the person who knows me best just shared a quote from Bob Marley and now I am totally and utterly stealing it because it is likely one of the truest and most heart wrenching and warming things I have read all wrapped up into one. Read it . Learn from it. Believe it,

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” -Bob Marley