Surgery Update For You All …and A Life Update Too !

28 07 2008

So I am not far off 3 months from surgery and to be honest in a state of shock as to how well it all really went and how well I currrently feel.

My scar is looking better and better each day. I think the best thing about the work my surgeon did on me is the fact that my scar is virtually flat I mean you cannot miss the damn thing and I know it is there however it is kinda cool lol. I have come to th conclusion that whatever guy I end up dating ( more on that to come all ) if they do not like the scar then they are kinda shit out of luck as it is not going anywhere any time fast people !

 I was soooo very lucky for excatly 2 months I had virtually no swelling my tummy could not have been more flat and even concaved. Then that all changed on the first week of my 2 month mark. I swelled up like a god damn balloon dammit ! Now to be fair partly my fault as to why I am currently so swollen. My surgeon said I coudl get back to the gym and working out at week 6. He said for the first couple visits no Ab work and to do cardio and light weights which I did. On the 5th visit I started doing my sit ups back extensions etc. It felt great i could feel everything fine nothing hurt. I got over ambitious and did the dreaded plank …oops …not so smart. Needless to say I woke up the next morning and it felt like I had just come out of surgery !! Big mistake!

 So I have had friends ask me and family if I have noticed different reactions from men now when I go out….the answer is hell yes!! And hell yes I am superficial about it. No the surgery did not change me as a person per say ( maybe confidence wise it did ) but it did change my phsyically and I recognize that as do the male speicies ! lol Needless to say not only did i get the plastic surgery on the stomach I got a fact lift in the boob department. I never had surgery done on the girls but the surgery I had done on the tummy seems to have made it look as though they got done as well…I am so not complaining. I am still contimplating if I will but before and after pics up on here and will decide soon. It is a personal thing but I have laid my life bare on this website so I see it as a natural progression to also put the pics up …we shall see

Ok now for life update: Firstly my beautiful horse Sonnet. Every day I ride I fall more and more in love with her. People that do not ride may not completely understand how that is possible or how it affects you as a person, I will try and explain it. When I am riding her I forget about anything that is possibly going wrong in my life or bugging me. When I ride her my entire being is centered and it makes me feel balanced and calm. I am focused and deterimened when I am riding her. So as you can tell it has helped me on so many personal levels to be blessed with having her in my life daily

Next bit of life…dating …yes I am still single…no I am not happy about it…yes I have visions of me being a 90 year sinpster living in a shoe box yelling at random strangers and throwing my kitchen scraps at them …no this better not become a reality. I would be lying if I did not admit I am slight jealous of my friends and their various relationships. I see it and I want it but for unknown reasons it seems to always be just out side of my reach radius. I have however been on a few dates with a few guys and have completely enjoyed myself I just have not however found that guy who has that sparkle in their eye when they see me. or found that guy that lights up a room when i see them. Maybe I will never find that guy btu I do not want to lower my standards or expectations or settle for something out of a desperate need to feel wanted and loved, people should never do that.

So thats all folks 🙂

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The New Me!

10 06 2008

 This is a long over due post which I know I have been so lazy about and frankly avoiding as well.

 

 Firstly the surgery……went incredibly well!!! I could simply not be happier with how it has all turned out!!

I will give you the oh so gory details to browse over:

 

1.5 hours under the knife (asleep lol)

Same day surgery, went in at 7:00 am was home by 1:00 pm

An incredible 10llbs of skin removed from my massive weight loss

Dropped almost 2 dress sizes since then

Percoset is my friend!

Pain was minimal

Was back into work on day 12 and felt pretty good

The incision is amazingly low and in no way freaks me out

I LOVE my belly button lol

Total weight loss since surgery is almost 30 lbs. due to metabolism changing!

 

All of the above equals one hell of a happy me!

 

Now to the emotional side of it and yes there is one of those sides. I am almost in awe of myself every morning right now. I have no recollection of what it is like to not have “loose skin” I have no memory left in me of what it felt like to have a flat tummy. I love it but at the same time I am almost conscious of it I am so very aware it is there now!

 

 I will say my confidence is through the roof I have never felt like this. I can now wake up every single damn morning look at myself in the mirror and say “Holy crap you lady are kinda hot”

 But this is what is driving me mad .…. I want to get in the gym and just rip myself up with muscle tone and fitness but unfortunately I am not allowed near a gym for a entire 6 weeks from surgery date ( May 7th) so I have 1 more week left of being stir bloody crazy ! The other no go area is riding Sonnet! That has actually been the hardest thing because when I ride her I feel incredible and it is my way of relaxing again though 1 week and I get the all clear for that

 

 It pains me to say that society does not notice people that are even remotely over weight particularly my age group. Before surgery I am of the belief that I rarely got a second look or checked out on the street. Did it bother me?? Yes of course it did! Did I ever show how much it bothered me? NEVER!

Now though it is so different. So far I have been hit on at the bank, gas station and unbelievably at a set of lights while driving??? WTF! I admit to loving it but at the same time I actually have no idea how to handle it. It is a foreign thing for me, it is like that thing you almost lust after but when it happens to you your like a deer in the headlights!!!

 

 Socially I am feeling slightly awkward and out of place. Firstly because I am carrying myself so much more differently and it is kinda confusing mentally. Secondly I am appearing to be losing touch with my friends and I cannot give you a reason as to why. I think my emotions are slightly heightened after all this happening so I am that much more sensitive …I do not know why I think I am losing that touch but it is a feeling that’s all and I am sure that is partly due to me shutting down slightly trying to wrap my head around all this change going on.

 

 So the main thing is this: the surgery is by far one of the best things I have ever done in my entire life. It appears to be the thing that has filled that missing link I needed. It has made me realize who and what I am. I know this may be an odd statement considering it is plastic surgery and so therefore means I physically changed myself and what I am all about, but what I physically changed was not me it did not represent who I am. Now that I have had it done I now know who I am properly I have a confidence that is simply not just bravado anymore or a front or a self defense tool. It is now simply that an amazing and over powering confidence I knew was deep within me and just needed bringing out





Shit Scared

5 05 2008

In just over 24 hours I will be going in for my abdinomplasty or otherwise known as “tummy tuck”

I have written about it before and the reasonings behind why I choose to do this and why I choose to do it now at this point in my life. I am so excited about it and it feels like coming full circle after a few years of bloody hard work. I am as stated before not obsessed with being thin or thin people in fact I generally do not like overly thin people…don’t trust them something shifty bout a skinny chick you know lol I am however obsessed with being healthy I am and always will be scared of being un-healthy or in fact of anyone close to me or the people i love most being unhealthy it is terrifying to think of someone as unhealthy and not looking after themselves. So that is why I started with the weight lose a few years ago , not to be thin but to in fact be healthy.

Any sane person would be scared going into this surgery it is after considered a major surgery. It is 2 – 4 hours of work and lets say vigerous work at that.

I have this incrediable list of things I am “shit scared” about and the more I think about it the more it actually makes me want to cry ….seriously i realise this is not good to be crying about a simply thing like a tummy tuck but come on you all know i am neither simple or nromal! here is the panic shit scared list:

I am so scared it will turn out like shit and I will look horrible

I am shit scared I will not go compeltely under when they put me to sleep and it will be like that movie awake where I can hear and see and feel everything yet they cannot hear me ( i do realise this is almost impossible ok but just roll with it for fuck sakes its my fear not yours)

I am terrified that I will not be able to ride my horse for like months and months and months. I gain an incrediable amount of pleasure and confidence from riding Sonnet and so the thought of not being able to is TERRIFYING. It also does not help that when i ride her is when I am at my most calm and centered so now what the flippin hell do i do to calm down ?? …aside from valium of course ….which they prescribe to me …WOOOOHOOOO!

I am shit scared of throwing up when i come round after opperation !!! Seriously I want you to imagine how you would feel throwing up with a stiched wound from hip to freakin hip…not so nice is it!!

I am scared no one will notice the difference physically. I do not think you can grasp the gravity of that fear …seriously that is actually a bad bad thing

Oh fuc this list could go on forever and ever effectively you get the point I am shit scared and I just actually want to get it all over with now and say yep did that next please ….

In all truthfulness i do not handle fear well I mask it with humor and bravado and very few people ever see the true fears I have and the things that scare me most I do not handle situations like this well





My life So far for you all …

30 04 2008

Now that I have done my proof of life post here is what the rest of my life has been like.

 I am good well as good as I can be ha ! I am never overly satisfied with my lot in life so I am likely always able to find something to complain about ha !

Life in general has been good though. I am exatly 7 days away from my tummy tuck. I have gone between being scared as shit to utter happiness to ” what the hell am I doing this for !?” and that is basically in a 5 minute time span…how bad is that ! Either way though its paid for and I am ready for it in so many ways. The last 2 years of slogging it away at the gym and constantly thinking i was just doing it for nothing is finally being validated by this surgery. You know what I do not care any longer if people agree or disagree with my choice to have this done to myself as I think basically ..screw you if you do not agree!

I am riding Sonnet the horse like no ones business right now because due to the surgery I will not be able to ride for at least 2 months and to me that is a fate worse then death. I realise the majority of you know nothing about horses let alone have ridden as I have but imagine it this way : someone tells you that you phsyically are not able to do what you are most passionate about …kinda sucks now that you think about it doesn’t it ! but damn once I am back to fighting fit riding is going to be amazing on so many levels !!

Still single …yep thats not changed in liek 2 years really has it people! but it is not the end of the world. Although i went to dinner with a old friend of mine the other week and they asked me what I miss most about being in a relationship and I did not even need to think about it. I think most people would say hot sex however as much as I do like that it is actually something very very simple. I miss falling asleep and waking up beside someone ….i hate doing that alone it really sucks. If you have someone you go to bed with every night or even most nights and wake up to them ,…. do not take advantage of it or not realise how lucky you really are because that rocks in my books …ok so does hot hot sex but whatever can’t have it all can ya ! ha !

Thats about it really ohhhhh aside from the fact that I was told i was fairly hot the other week ….seriously someone told me ( a man not a women or a imaginary friend ) that i was hot pre surgery !! so cool !! after surgery it will be off the hook. That and I am getting proffesional pictures taken by my best friend Arons photogragher. She has the most amazing pictures and if I can get half the sex appeal she manages to ooze in my pics i will be a happy hot girl HA!!

thats all …for now …. missed me really didn’t ya ?! ….. i know you did !





The Down Fall to My Surgery …Yeah there are a few you know

7 03 2008

So I am very excited about this surgery ( tummy tuck for those who do not know ) and in fact I have little to no nerves about it. Thats mainly because I try not to think about the of so painful side and keep thinking about the oh so lovely results side ha ha.

 There are some major downsides though that I cannot stop thinking about and keep running through my mind.

The main one is Sonnet. I have put this vast amount of work into getting her fit and working well with me. This horse is a super star I know for you non horse people it means nothing but imagine it this way for the mums: your kid has been potty trained and no longer pees in the middle of the living room…thats a feeling of joy for you yes ? Well Sonnet being so much more fit and listening and learning so quickly is a pure feeling of joy for me. She has learnt incrediably quick what I want from her and how to do it and it is a unreal thing really. I am of the belief that what she has learnt in 2 months would normally take like 6. So you can understand my concern.

 So once I have the surgery on May 7th I then will not be able to go to the gym for 6 weeks which pushes me into the end of April …no bigggy I can handle that. The riding though will be 7-8 weeks so we are talking end of June. I suppose the massive incision for hip to hip is not going to work well with riding a horse is it really !

 I am not however concerned about the healing or the pain either. I have seemed to accept that I cannot avoid this and it is going to happen I am just going to ensure I am on copious amounts of heavy sedatives while this goes one, not only will they be effective pain control they will be fun dammit !

I have to quit smoking for my surgery as the will not operate otherwise. I am actually excited about this yes you read right I am excited about quitting …to be fair I am thinking all that know me are not so excited at the prospect of a eternally bitchy edgy crazy Louisa ….no I am not like that normally !

So yeah that is part of my list of downfalls of surgery, the biggest one being Sonnet 😦 and not being able to ride her FOREVER !! lol lol





Story of My Weight Loss

31 01 2008

I was asked from a blogging friend of mine, Emma , to tell the full story of my weight loss and plastic surgery. I am thinking she wants to know how it came about, how I did it and what it was really like ! She asked for it now she gets to find out ( apologise if you find this terribly boring and long winded but its my blog so suck it up people ha ! )

 I made the decision about 2 years ago that enough was enough and I need to get my health and life back to a normal balance. There was no serious trigger or near death health scare that did it. It was simply that I was feeling older then a 26 year old women. I had sore joints and my sleep was shockingly bad. I will say it effected my self esteem and my self image as well. Also what got me on the road was my mum. She is coming on 60 and about 11 years ago she went on a  health kick and now looks like a 50 year old and has done a brilliant job. I was of the thought that if mum could do this at her age then I could shift my incredibly fat ass into any gear but neutral!

 This is a warts and all post and a bare the sole post. So in the interest of that statement here is what my weight was when I started this : ……..340 lb…god that is painful to write and scary to look at …which is a good thing as it will never happen again in my life time.

So yeah I went to my Doctor and said look lets get this ball rolling  “HELP ME !!! NOW!!” and he did. He made me do a food journal for a week. It was scary as shit. I did not necessarily eat terrible things or even bad things. I just ate the wrong way and did not physical activities. I also went for 8 days yes 8 entire days without drinking water people. I lived of diet coke coffee and booze lol !!

I was put on to a nutritionist and the doctor started me on a pill call orlistat or xenical. It effectively did not allow my body to breakdown fat , literally in one end out the other with terrible consequences and damn it worked! I was on them for 10 months.  The nutritionist set me a menu and it was bring I am not going to lie but it was what I needed to start out with. I went to the gym signed up that day and got a trainer.

My first gym visit was terrifying and nerve racking. I felt like a imposter or just another fat girl that’s going to “try this exercise shit out and give up in a week” I felt out of place and like i did not belong there. I lasted 20 minutes and thought i was going to die from lack of breath and sheer pain. But I kept going I kept being stubborn about it and just did it. Just so you know I now go to the gym for between 1 – 2 hours I run and row 6 miles in total a day and lift weights every day. I have to change my program a lot as i am that fit now it is not as challenging. This proves if you stick to it, it will get better.

In those 10 months I lost a total of 85 pounds. The first 3 months were the most drastic at 35 pound weight lose. the remaining 8 months has been slower and less lose a total of 30 pounds. But it has also been 8 months of building muscle up and toning which accounts for the lack of weight drop.

What this did leave me with though was the dreaded “Apron of skin ” I have lost so much weight that my skin will not “bounce back flat” lol it just stayed where it was. This was a MAJOR ego crushing issue for me. I had spent all this time losing weight and yet in my eyes ( not in others as i constantly get comments about my waist line being smaller and looking great) I was still at square one! So my mother kindly offered to pay for plastic surgery to have a Abdominoplasty otherwise known as a “tummy tuck” because she knew what it was doing to my self esteem. I will be forever grateful to my mother for doing this for me.

So I finally got into the surgeon and as said before he examined me listened to my story and proceed to tell me this: I am a ideal candidate for this surgery, I have done nothing wrong in my weight lose and I should be proud of what I have achieved. He told me that for my height and build I am NOT over weight now. He said that once I have the surgery I will go down to a size 12/14 or smaller within a year. The actually procedure will NOT make me lose more weight. The only weight I will lose is the skin which is minuscule in comparison at 2 – 5 kg. I will however lose more weight after the surgery. My current weight is sitting at 233 lb. Once this is done and by this time next year I will be at my ideal weight of 170 -180 lb. I say I will because I know I will I am going to be there and that is the end of that story !

So there you go there is my weight lose story. This was one of the hardest most testing things I have done. I have done a lot in my life. I have travelled the world I have had surgeries on my ankle I have been through self esteem knocking events. I have out lived my father and I can safely say this part of my life was damn hard. But it was completely worth every ache every knock every single spilt tear. I say this to others that read this that have never had weight issues: NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE WHO MAKES THE EFFORT TO BETTER THEIR LIFE. If you do that then very bluntly you are a piece of shit simply put. No one in this world has the right to make someone feel lesser then they are as a person and a human being because of their physical appearance. It is a hard thing to deal with. You go through a gammit of emotions particularly as a women. You feel unwanted and un loved. You look at couples and are of the belief that you will never be part of a couple, that no man would want you. You walk into stores and feel as though the entire world is mocking you with there smaller sized very cool cloths. You go to a gym and feel so awkward in your own skin as you believe that everyone is staring at the fat sweating person in “their” gym.

To the people who are and were like me. You can do this trust me I know. I am the worst procrastinator on this earth and I DID IT which means you can. There are NO quick fixes there are NO miracle diets. You eat healthy ( 3 meals a day ) you drink water and you WORK OUT and if you do this you will get there I can promise you that in any heartbeat

You can do this