Gut Instincts

16 11 2008

I have always in my life had a major constant going on and that is my gut instincts. I always trust them and they generally are right. I am of the belief that if it is my first immediate gut reaction and instinct then it is generally right or as close to right as I can get.

Its been like this for as long as I can remember. I have had great gut instincts about jobs and every single time it has worked out brilliantly, it really has. I seem to know within myself when something is right for me and my life.

it was like that when I first met my horse Sonnet. As much as it was a heart reaction it was in its very raw form a gut reaction that my 10 year dry spell of not finding that one that horse that I know will go far was offically over.

I have great gut reactions about situations that are sketchy and not good and I follow that reaction and run far far away from that.

My reactions have generally served me well and been tried tested and true ….but it appears recently in one aspect of my life they have been failing me completely and utterly miserably lol !

Yep …men….my gut reaction has lost its sparkle in regards to the opposite sex. I have no idea why !!!! Maybe its turning 30 and imminent fear of being alone. Maybe it is seeing friends and family members in great relationships …maybe its just seeing random happy couples walking down the street or driving to work together …maybe I am losing my gut reaction and my ability to make sound a decent judgement calls ??

 I keep thinking …” yep he is cool, he ticks boxes, has his shit together, good looking ,decent, and all the rest ” and then they turn out not to be. I do accept that every single person on the planet has a bad spell and a bad score card every so often. However more often then not I seem to be on the losing side then the winning side ???

 It is as much a gut reaction as a heart reaction and being able to trust both of these facts that make me who I am. But my trust is slowly beginning to waiver and I am not entirely sure how to get it back on track.

Yes I have a fear of being alone, yes I despise being single, yes I sleep terribly by myself and always have. Most importantly yes I second guess myself and wonder if I judged wrong now and if there is something internally wrong within myself and my ability to judge who is good and who is bad

For the life of me I am at a lose as to how to “fix” my gut reactions how to make them work properly at 100% capacity again for me. All I do know is that I need them to work again and I need them to help me start realizing when someone is for real and when someone is a flake and fake …way harder then you would ever possibly imagine


The Exciting World Of Online Dating ….oh the excitment of it all

13 11 2008

 I have been on various dating websites over the last little while. Some may look at this as crazy or even taking a risk ….I look at it as a act of sheer desperation ..seriously lol lol

In all seriousness though it is good, its kinda like vetting and weeding out the scum on the pond and finding the frog that turns into the prince under the scum…problem is there is a damn lot of scum on this pond right now !

These are a catalogue of my experinces thus far:

  • If it says in the “looking for” section Dating this translates to I want to get laid ..message me 90% of the time
  • Men have no sense of style
  • Men are completely inept at picking out a picture that sells them to the opposite sex as attractive
  • Men seem to think it is attractive to put the beer bong pictures as their main profile pics.
  • Ohh they lie ALOT lol when they say they do not play head games ….yep they pretty much do
  • Guys that are on like 200 girls “ Favorites List” are the ones you want to run far far away from avoid lol
  • Guys that put pics up with a bevy of busty blonde’s hanging off them …yeah not so cool really
  • The younger ones are looking for sex and the older ones are scarred and cannot handle pressure and fear commitment ( to the older ones I ask “why the hell are you on a dating website then ????? of all the places!?)

Generally I have had no major issues though. I have made some bad judgement calls about a few guys. Mainly thought they were decent turns out they were not, so basically got my fingers burnt and learnt from the experience really.

 I will keep plodding along however through the world of Internet dating websites. I have this theory that you have to kiss a shed load of frogs before a prince comes along. So I shall continue to search for that elusive prince in the hopes that one day he may show up amongst the commitment phobic, bare chested, hairy,scary,socially unacceptable and fashion faux paus men

You know it is BAD when Your Mother is concerned about your " Dating Life" or Lack of One

15 06 2007
So my mum recently informed me that she was “concerned” about my “social” life which translates to by ” Dating” life.
I am a bit of a odd person when it comes to dating. I love having a boyfriend however I dread dread the work you have to put in to finding one. Possibly because I fear rejection. So my simple solution is not to bother. This sounds defeatist but really its not. I do like my life as a single person. I am a solitary creature to begin with. I also do not handle having to ” answer” to someone well. I am a feircely independent girl so when it comes to relationships I tend to be distant at times but not in a bad way though.
So I have dated every type of guy: The Cheater – strangely enough my most sucessful relationship that is until the cheating of course
The Mummy’s boy: that was just to much for me to handle
The Cheap boy: seriuously every little thing was split right down to when he went to buy our weekly sunday papers. He would request the 85 pence it cost him. I have no issue paying in fact prefer to pay however when it is demanded of me and when the person is as tight fisted as a nuns ass I take issue with that !
The way to nice for his own good: CLINGY is the only word to describe it !! I cannot handle clingy !!
So yeah she brought this up and I thought well I am going to have to sort this situation out. I do not go out bar hopping really plus I would never pick someone up at the bar. I would likely not date anyone from work ( although they are hot and they make a piss load of money …not that it matters really but its nice) My friend base is limited due to the fact that I have been out of the country for like 6 years so I do not have the base I used to have.
SOOOO I joined up with Eharmoney. Now I chose them because it was not like other dating sites. Basically they put me through barge of questions for my personality test. Then only they see my profile. They match me up with like minded similar people. I am liking it. I have been talking to a few guys and one in particular who seems really nice.
I have not put my picture up as I have this irrational fear that they would run in terror when seeing my pic. It is silly I realize. But due to the fact that I am not a teeny tiny girl, a cheerleader nor a barbie doll I think they will just not bother then…I may be right or wrong on that one who knows.
So I will chat and after a number of emails I will then offer to email a picture through. I have had a few ego dents of them not coming back to me ( WOW that stung) but you know what I am tough girl and big girl. I do not know them from adam so no skin off my nose.
They can make assumptions all they want. Little do they know that I used to BIGGER !! lol anbd that I worked my ass off to lose 85 pounds so thats gotta be good.
So I will keep plugging away at it and who knows something may come of it something may not hard to tell really.
I of course will keep you posted on all future sucesses with my foray into the dreaded dating world ( why cant’ I just order a mail order groom?? )
Here as a final note is the picture that I do send when I eventually send it

Amanda ( georges ex), George my little Bro, ME !! and my lovely mum