Salt Spring Island …Is it Home?

4 08 2008

For the next week I am on holidays on the west coast of Canada. About 20 years ago my Mum and Dad bought a house on a small island off the coast of BC called Saltspring Island. If you ever in your life get a chance to come to Canada then ensure you make a trip to this island. It is both stunning and quaint. It has a air of enchantment about it. It is simply put breath taking and unreal.

When they bought this place it was for the sole intent of a place to retire to from the depths and despair that Alberta winters are known for. Dad passed away just under 10 years ago and still Mum is determined and relishing in retiring here.

Alex and George have always had a instant connection with this house and this island. They have always seen it as home and comfort to be in and around. I on the other hand am a different kettle of fish. I have yet to find a sense of connection with this island and this home. It has always had a place in my heart and my mind as simply “ the holiday home” . It has never felt like a place where I see my family permanently living and settling. Where my 2 siblings do not have the attachment to the country house we grew up in in Alberta I do. I have struggled with the thought of Mum selling that home and that “safe zone” for years. I have a deep and intimate connection with that place and to even think of another family or people living there is both distressing and painful sometimes. I know people say a home is what you make of it and a home is the people inside. Yet still it is hard a disheartening to think it will sooner rather then later not be my home. It will no longer be the house I grew up in, the house I laughed in, fought in, cried and have had my heart broken in. It will be the last place that I have this deep a connection with and once it goes I feel I will be nomadic again in my life style and my life in general.

So I suppose I have taken this holiday to a different level really. Aside from the obvious tanning, relaxing and many many margarita’s I have tried to look at it as a re adjustment to the new “ family home” . I have been trying to visualize use celebrating major milestones here such as birthdays ands births of babies and grandchildren. I have tried to visualize what Christmas and New Years will really be like here. It has been hard but I will admit I have been able to see it sometimes….not all the time.

I am built differently then my sister and brother I guess when it comes to my emotional attachments to things and places. I will never fully be able to detach myself from the home I have grown up in and lived all my life in. I think I will likely be a emotional basket case and I also think most will think I am neurotic and crazy to be like that over a home …..but at the end of the day it is my home, my memories and my emotions that I have to deal with